After a Fashion
Stephen drops a gay bomb and salutes the dreck that is Mahogany
By Stephen MacMillan Moser, Fri., June 22, 2007
DO YOU KNOW? A seminal moment in fashion history has occurred – the 1975 film Mahogany starring Diana Ross has been released on DVD. A landmark in camp, it holds a very special place in the Kweenie Klassix Hall of Fame. Mahogany tells the story of a lowly display assistant (Ross) who dreams of becoming a fashion designer but accidentally becomes an international supermodel instead. Along the way, she begins and ends a love affair with a smarmy but dedicated neighborhood activist (Billy Dee Williams) and is embroiled in a relationship with a psycho fashion photographer (Psycho's Anthony Perkins, natch), eventually returning to the activist after learning that "success is nothing without someone to share it with." Absolute undiluted but highly entertaining dreck. The story, coupled with all the most drag-queen-ish gowns you could ever dream of, creates a sense of visual biliousness laced with dread. La Ross' approach to acting involves lots of screaming, gnashing her teeth, and popping her eyes as she struts across the screen in a parade of garishly colored luxe ensembles from the Seventies. From the Kabuki scene that opens the story to the modeling montage to the fashion show of Princess Irene Galitzine's gowns to the wax-dripping dance at the party in Rome, Mahogany is such a hot mess (on par with Valley of the Dolls and Showgirls) that you'll be craving antibiotics.
GAY WHAT? A gay bomb is what the story said – some sort of hormone bomb that would turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals. Of course, we know that homosexual men do not have the ability to control themselves in the presence of another man (any man, to be specific), and therefore all soldiers affected by the bomb would find themselves helplessly attracted to one another and forget about making war. As a nation, we should be deeply embarrassed for the people that came up with this idea.
eBAY-BEE We've discovered the true meaning of convenience. You see, lately we've been possessed: cleaning house and selling unneeded items on eBay. And, boy, do we have a lot of unneeded items – things we had to have at the time that have outlived their charm – trinkets from gift bags, books we were through with, clothes that are great but no longer fit … you know, things. We'd done the eBay thing in the past, listing items, running to the post office for boxes and supplies, packing everything up, hauling it back to the post office, standing in line endlessly with a luggage carrier stacked with packages. But things have changed since we last sold anything on eBay. Now, it's a cinch. We can order all our shipping supplies online for free from the U.S. Postal Service (paying only a shipping charge). We can print and pay for our own postage online, we can order a next-day pickup from our regular mail carrier, and (our favorite part) the entire process is done without ever leaving the house. Hmmm … what can we sell next?
'PERIPHERY' VISION With several Patrón margaritas under our belt, we felt like a Hollywood insider after viewing the trailers for the new indie film Periphery, being produced here in Austin. Telling the story of four American teenagers who take a road trip to Mexico and get caught up in a pharmaceutical-drug-smuggling ring, it promises to be gripping and gritty (we know – no one has ever used the word "gritty" to describe an indie film before). We met several of the film's stars: Jesse Garcia, who garnered much attention for Quinceañera; Tessa Thompson, who is also starring in TV's Hidden Palms; and someone named Steven Grayhm, whose future's so bright he's gotta wear a protective suit.
