Public Notice

Welcome to Austin, Texas! Welcome to SXSW! You're not thinking of staying for long, are you? Not that we don't want you (and your big city ways). Heck, we ourselves are transplants from somewhere else. What brought us here in the first place? Oh, right ... SXSW. For conference virgins and veterans (sluts?) alike, Austin 1999 poses challenges. For you newbies, we'll confound you with our quaint pronounciations of seemingly simple words like Manor (MAY-ner), Koenig (KAY-nig), Burnet (BURN-it, dern it, learn it!). For you SXSW regulars, over the years you've probably noticed our unprecedented growth courtesy of newly transplanted West Coasters. For example: that guy on the road who doesn't know how to drive? He's fresh from Pasadena. Yup, just moved here for a job at Motorola. Oh, right. Layoffs ... Like we said, he just moved here for a job at Fuddrucker's.

To help you cope for this jam-packed, stress-filled time of fun and frolic in our fair city, we have anticipated some of your very good questions and provided the Top 10 Austin Answers here, for your convenience:

10. Right turn on red.

9. Yes, Janis did sleep here.

8. You're right. None of us know how to drive.

7. Yes. That is lard, as in "Lard."

6. Why yes, I was in Slacker!

5. It's the law; they have to say "Hot plate!"

4. One-way to one-way street, left on red.

3. No, the bat guano's not a problem.

2. Really. It gets even hotter than this.

1. It's pronounced gwad-a-loop. Don't ask.

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Our Slackers, Ourselves

Austin is a town as dedicated to public service as it is to touting its status as "Live Music Capital of the World." It stands to reason that the public service and entertainment communities intersect. After you hotshot A&R types get back to the coast after signing all those bands, send these good folks some dough. Or if you are an Austin band or artist, here are some resources you might need after your big advance dries up and those A&R types no longer take your calls.

• Artists' Accounting & Legal Assistance (AALA) provides up to 10 hours of pro bono accounting and legal services to artists for arts-related matters. They help demystify the twisted maze of legalese regarding contract negotiation, copyright, accounting, tax laws, and more. They sponsor a number of seminars open to the public. PO Box 2577, 78768. 407-8980.

• SIMS Foundation was formed in memory of local musician Sims Ellison, who committed suicide in June of '95, two weeks after his band Pariah officially was dropped from Geffen Records. Like many musicians, Sims felt he was on his own to deal with stress, depression, and an unfulfilled creative drive. Where does one turn for help? The foundation responds to the needs of musicians and artists in trouble and assists in providing mental health care at affordable costs. PO Box 1622, 78767-1622. http://www.sims-foundation.org or 494-1007.

• Austin Free-Net is a cooperative effort involving Austin educational, civic, and corporate entities that provides community computing resources and online access for the benefit of citizens of the Austin area. 1711 S. Congress, 78704.[email protected] or 326-9084.

• American Institute for Learning (AIL) gives dropouts and at-risk students hands-on experience and job training in multimedia, business, and/or construction. 204 E. Fourth, 78701.http://www.ail.org or 472-3395.

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Dial-a-Service

And speaking of coping: You may find these phone numbers quite handy during this wild and wooly week:

Emergency Medical Services: 911

Correct Time & Temperature: 973-3555

Weather Forecast: 476-7744, 451-2424

Austin Tourist Info: 478-0098, 463-8586

Capital Metro Buses: 474-1200

Roy's Taxi: 482-0000

American Yellow Checker Cab: 452-9999

Locate Cars Towed by Police: 356-4249,

480-5001

People's Community Clinic: 478-8924

Sexual Assault Hotline: 440-7273

Sex Addicts Anonymous: 440-1494

Drug & Alcohol Abuse Info: 349-6600

United Way's First Call for Help (Non-
emergency, support services referral): 323-1899

Legal Aid of Central Texas: 476-7244

U.S. Probation, Parole Office: 916-5761

U.S. Secret Service: 916-5103

Dial-a-Prayer: 259-2760

AAA (maps for the way home ... ): 444-4757

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E-mail: [email protected]Mail to: "Public Notice," The Austin Chronicle, P0 Box 49066, Austin, TX 78765. Deadline: Wednesday, 6pm, eight days prior to publication. Phone calls have a .001% chance of being returned.