The Luv Doc

If you’re not chain-smoking unfiltereds, it’s time to get with the program. The end is near. As of September, Austinites (at least those health nuts who frequent night clubs, taverns and bars) will have to blacken their lungs with something other than tobacco smoke. That’s not an easy thing to do – especially since pot and crack aren’t currently legal either. Yeah, yeah, of course that’s bullshit, but when was the last time you sat down and typed up a lucid letter to your congressman, Mr. Spicoli? Like it or not, those halcyon days when you could get a buzz on by inhaling the carcinogenic carbonized remains of some class of flora are quickly coming to an end. Smokers have become just another part of the collateral damage of the drug wars. Yes, cigarette smokers are drug addicts…just like crackheads, the main difference being that at least crackheads have the stones to swing for the fence. Nicotine delivers a buzz, but it’s a small, shitty buzz that doesn’t come close to justifying the health risks or social stigmatism. Smoking cigarettes makes about the same amount of sense as driving a used Ford Escort in the Indy 500 – it’s nearly as dangerous too. Not surprisingly, even smokers find it insanely difficult to justify their habit, which is a good reason smoking ordinances are being passed all over the country with astonishingly weak opposition – even in places like Houston, where smoking a cigarette is the relative equivalent of sucking on a tube at an oxygen bar. Here in River City however, the Libertarian defense held popular sway: Stupid people should be allowed to freely exercise their stupidity; to manifest it in some outwardly obnoxious manner. After all, this is America, and we don’t pass laws that discriminate against Republicans or fundamentalist Christians either. And yet, even with the brilliant clarity of that argument, Austin chose to give the freedom lovers the boot. Democracy really is a pisser, ain’t it? So, the world as smokers know it is coming to an end. Expect to see more patches. Expect to see sketchy groups of nicaddicts hanging out on street corners and in dark alleys. Expect to be able to walk into a bar and walk back out smelling only of alcohol, sweat, and clingy designer fragrances. If you want a preliminary taste and smell of how this deal is going to go down, check out The Greencards show at the Saxon Pub this Friday. The Greencards, like anti-smoking ordinances, are on a serious roll lately. They recently released a new CD, Weather and Water; which is currently getting airplay on CMT. They’ve also been touring with a couple of smokers named Willie and Bob (Nelson and Dylan, respectively). The ‘Cards themselves are young, healthy looking, clean-cut types, but they smoke too, only in a different way. You can see how this Friday, but leave your cancer sticks at home. This, like everything else as of September, is a no smoking show.