The Luv Doc

Some people claim that the Oscars are a whole lot more fun if you say it with a lisp. True, thith Thunday ith a thpethial thuper Thunday for people who don’t care about thporth, but more importantly, unlike the vapid jock talk around the copier/water cooler the morning after the big game, vapid Oscars conversation is highly contentious and can turn mean in an instant - names called, reputations impugned, blood spilled – and for good reason. For instance, speaking of the S challenged, how in fucking hell did Aaron Ruell not get a nomination for “Best Actor in a Supporting Role?” You no doubt were awestruck by Aaron’s mad acting chops as big brother Kip, the thuperfly ath kicking RexKwanDo cage-fighter-in-training in “Napoleon Dynamite,” even though you might not have hung around for the credits. Sure, Aaron had a treasure trove of great lines, a sunken chest, and a wicked child molester moustache, but his transcendent portrayal of Kip was the difference between a quirky, happily tolerable movie and an irritating piece of thinematic thlop. Can the same be said of Alan Alda, who received a “Best Supporting” nomination for his role in The Aviator - for playing Alan Alda? Why doesn’t the Academy just end the charade and give Oscars only to true heavyweights like Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr.? Keaneau is probably due soon too. Quick, somebody call Billy Crystal and have him whip up a hilarious video montage. Reanimate Joan Rivers. Fire up the searchlights. If he’s lucky, maybe Aaron Ruell will get invited over to Gary Oldman’s to share a fatty on Oscar night and watch Jamie Foxx collect his statue. No tears, no outrage, no bloodletting…well, except for the water cooler melee in the morning. Before running yourself through the emotional wringer of Oscar night, why not attend a celebrity event yourself? That’s right, Saturday night the Alamo Drafthouse Downtown is hosting a special screening of the Wilson Brothers’ 1996 debut, “Bottle Rocket” with a celebrity in attendance. Scratch James Caan off your list. He won’t be there. Ditto on all three of the Wilson brothers. Who needs the hassle of a major celebrity anyway when you can enjoy the company a hard-working minor celebrity like Kumar Pallana, the charming octogenarian who plays a fellow named Kumar in the movie but, interestingly enough, didn’t get nominated for an Oscar?