Are You a Looney?

Dear Editor,
    Are you a tin-hat loony, like Alex Jones? Take the following quiz, based on statements made by Alex on his ACTV/PACT show. Read each statement carefully, then count up the total number with which you agree:
   The ruling elite of the world worship Moloch.
   The secret rulers of the world can live forever.
   The elite have openly announced that they want to kill 80% of us.
   Vicente Fox can morph into a green devil. (Alex says he saw him do it. Honest.)
   The Communist Chinese Army has taken over the Massachusetts Port Authority.
   There are live AIDS viruses in the corn.
   Illegal immigration is a government plot.
   The counterculture is a government plot.
   Vaccines are a government plot.
   Thumb scanning is a government plot.
   Environmentalism is a government plot.
   The National Seatbelt Initiative is a government plot.
   Feminism is a government plot.
   Toll roads are a government plot.
   Antidepressants are a government plot.
   All domestic terror attacks are government plots.
   Arnold Schwarzenegger is part of an Austrian plot to take over America.
   Skull & Bones is part of an English plot to take over America.
   The United Nations is part of a (very slow) plot to take over America.
   Children's cartoons are part of a government plot to brainwash us.
   Gloria Steinem is a CIA agent.
   Michael Moore is a CIA agent.
   Noam Chomsky is a CIA agent.
   People have tattoos saying "Don't Kill Me" in Holland.
   The government keeps "giant, honeycombed hives full of toddlers drugged on lithium."
    Tally up how many answers you marked as "true." The result tells you how crazy you are.
   1-5: You forgot to take your meds.
   6-10: You'll believe any old sh*t.
   11-15: You're a "Patriot" – i.e., an angry white guy with an IQ in the mid-80s.
   16-20: Take your meds.
   21-25: You are Alex Jones.