Sarcasm Alert!! Clever Letter Writer Ahead: (But Hey, Being for Nader Will Be Good for Business, People Supported Him Last Time, and Now We Are in Iraq, Vote for Him, and We'll Stay There)

Dear Editor:
   Why, why did I leave Los Angeles to come to Austin to help get Ralph Nader on the Texas ballot? I make my living playing bagpipes at funerals – and since Bush was elected, business at Southern California military bases is booming!
   Man, if Ralph becomes president, he'll pull our troops out of Iraq, and funeral business will plummet! He's already ruined a lot of my business with all those bills he helped get passed in Congress – auto safety, clean air and water, safe meat and poultry ... just think how many more millions of lives will be saved, with his plans for universal health care. When is the dude gonna retire?
   How big a dope am I, risking my livelihood by taking an unpopular political stance? If the funeral homes find out I'm helping a third party candidate ...
   He who pays the piper picks the tune ... but can he also make the piper vote for Kerry?