"Karaoke!" hollered the first, hoping for more than this.
Pause.
"You ready for some Benatar?" deadpanned the second, who was
City of Ember star and legendary comic hardpan
Bill Murray. (You know: late of SNL, Stripes, and Lost in Translation. That one.)
"Yes..." re-deadpanned the Alamo's
Tim League, for once star-stuck, at the tail end of Fantastic Fest, at its most ridiculously fantastic moment.
League had lost his voice earlier in the week.
His intro to the
Jean-Claude Van Damme meta-flick
JCVD was spat out in a growly, hoarse-burst of hyperbolic enthusiasm that seemed altogether utterly deranged until, amazingly, the film and JCVD's soft-hero, hard-target performance made cinematic jokes of everyone who never thought to give a second glance to a Belgian kickboxer who was -- honestly, surprisingly -- sick of being the butt, the joke, the muscles, the mass.
"I saw this film in Cannes," said League, "and when I got back to the states I immediately applied to the Texas DMV to have the plates on my van changed to 'VANDAMN.'
Laughter.
"But what I didn't realize was that V-A-N-D-A-M-N is not really kosher in the State of Texas, but, funny thing is, it fucking appeased the gods, because a week later I get my plate in the mail and then the studio says, 'Yeah, we want to give you this film."
Screaming.
"This is really one of the biggest buzz films of the festival, and, hey, I've got to admit I have little problem sometimes: I get maybe a little too excited. But not this time. In fact, I don't think I've been more surprised by a performance by an actor in my entire life.
"I really think that
Jean-Claude Van Damme is one of our great modern actors..."
The audience, laughing, not sure what to make to League's statement....
League charges back: "Hey, fuck you people for laughing, I'm serious about this! We'll see who's laughing in two hours, alright?"
Alright.
And he's right. JCVD is a miracle, a hail-Mary pass, a trifecta, and gut-wrenching, soul-stirring madhouse all in one.
C'est ne pas merde; c'est magnifique!
But enough about Brussels.