Things you Do When You Are Drunk

So, I just got home from a party and am completely incomprehensible (BTW, I am really proud of myself for using the word incomprehensible). I have been up since 7:20 to prepare for todays run. That was an adventure more of which I will write about as soon as I get some sleep and absorb the psychic equivalent of a bloody mary. After that, I did some painting and other This Old House type things. Finally ending in a party where I drank a bunch of champagne and girls hit on me and telling me I remind them of Jack Black ( which is cool in that he is HI-larious but bad because he is fat and hobbit-like).

I am sorry I haven't written in a while. Except I kind of hate "bloggers" who apologize for not writing. The presumption is the everyone is waiting with rapt attention to hear what milfhunter24 had for lunch and thoughts on Iraq. So maybe I am not sorry as much as I am regretful that I a seem to not be keeping up with my end of the internet bargain.

So, I will write more about the run and other such things when I get less .08. This remind me of a blog I wrote some time ago called Anatomy of a Drunk Call. I only say that because I am completely gone right now and I will give you some insight into where my head is.

I am aware that it is one of the annoyances in life that we all have to put up with, much like weekly penicillin shots and court mandated ankle bracelets. But in my mind, the drunk call is one of the few unadulterated demonstrations of caring one person can give to another.

So you are out with your boys, or your girls, or mixture thereof should you have a healthy well-adjusted social life (I have heard they exist) and as will happen amongst adults, an obscene amount of drinking takes place. Now, I am not one who prescribes to the notion that a person becomes someone else when drunk. No, I believe a person's true self becomes more enhanced and amplified. So a sweet guy will start crying and telling everyone how much he loves them. A funny guy will become more funny until he gets to the point where only he things he is funny. A shy guy will find the courage to do what he really wants to. An asshole will become a really big asshole.

It is at this point that the thinking about the drunk call begins. Actually, the thinking has been going on all along, but it is only reason, discretion and pride that have gotten in the way. Since none of these are amplifiable traits during the drunken session, they are muted and the hidden thoughts are allowed to make their case. The true id is revealed. Whole, exposed emotion. It is at this point that a person knows who is really on their mind and what they want to say.

Oh, and then the sweet speech comes. It reveals itself in your mind and flows as if written by a poet. Each word is gold and when spoken to the receiver, even if they had been woken from a dead sleep at 2:52AM, will immediately give them an insight that will tear down the presumptions that have been reinforcing the wall that has been built up between the two of you. Only then can a new and more lasting relationship be formed. These golden words will find their way to the receivers heart and all will be right with the world again.

So, you stumble to the stall of the bathroom and close the door to provide a buffer between you and the drunk world outside. And you open the phone and pull up the number. It glows at you with such hope. An LED promise for a new understanding. You put your finger on the send key but don't press it. Not quite yet. You stroke it as if it were that little spot between her eyebrows that crinkles when she gets a little stressed, trying to relax it. Trying to relax. Trying to think through whether more harm than good is being done. Wondering if the golden words will come out the way they are supposed to, or just as a garbled mess with the sound effects of a men's bathroom in the background.

You close the phone and leave the stall, somehow defeated but knowing in your sober heart that it's for the best. Right now, it is best to just suck up the pain and unspoken words and go get a shot. Right now, reason, discretion and pride are still in effect. Until the time and opportunity comes to speak the golden words when the sun shines and you don't smell like vomit and and can actually enunciate.

But for those who receive those calls, understand the purity of that act. It is when their guard is down and they have instant access to their true id, they were thinking of you and needed to tell you something desperately. And if you are the one making the call, give yourself a break, but also give yourself the opportunity to do it right, once you shower and get some pancakes. Because when it is all said and done, the drunk call comes from love.