Over in Postmarks, City Manager Toby Futrell writes the Chronicle. An excerpt:

"Michael King circuitously questions my professional integrity while acknowledging he has no knowledge of either a conflict of interest or any inappropriate personal interventions [“Point Austin,” News, Dec. 15]. He then tries to draw a parallel about how I handle my job as city manager and my husband's employment to a past conflict-of-interest case involving a contract project manager on a major city utility project. In that particular case, the project manager did not disclose that he had a live-in relationship with an individual who obtained significant financial subcontracts at the same time and on the very same project he was hired to directly manage."

Read the rest over here.

Editor's note: This text has been revised and corrected since its original publication.

In the spirit of open government in the New Year, House Speaker Tom Craddick could resolve to turn over a new leaf by making his 2007 political calendar available to the public. The chance of that happening is slim, but an open-book policy could save the speaker another legal go-around with Austin attorney Cris Feldman, who last week won a long-awaited ruling concerning Craddick's 2003 calendar.

Concluding that the child bride referred to in court documents as Jane Doe No. 4, “expressed her disdain, reluctance, opposition and total dislike of sexual relations,” Utah District Judge James Shumate ruled Dec. 14 that Warren Jeffs, the “prophet” leader of the polygamist Mormon breakaway sect the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, will stand trial on charges of rape-as-accomplice. Jeffs, 51, is accused of abetting rape by arranging and presiding over the 2001 “spiritual marriage” of Doe, then 14, and her 19-year-old first cousin.

Chuck Norris' WCL will be returing to the Frank Erwin Center on January 20, 8pm for their Inaugural Season National Championship. The four teams set to compete are the Miami Force vs. the Houston Enforcers and the Philadelphia Fire vs. the Los Angeles Stars. In the WCL the fighters are rewarded for punching, kicking, and kneeing, but are penalized for stalling and passivity. Here's what Mr. Norris has to say, “Our goal with the WCL is to bring together the world’s most skilled martial arts experts by region and to provide sports fans with an unmatched level of fighting action in every second of each round of every team contest.” Tickets are currently on sale and cost $25, $35, $100, and $150 (limited number of floor seats available), and can be purchased at all Texas Box Office Outlets. Charge by phone at 477-6060 or 800/982-2386 or order online at TexasBoxOffice.com.

Today's article in the Times about an American contractor, Donald Vance, swept up during a raid in Iraq, is breathtaking in its nightmarishness. To call the legal system Kafkaesque is to diminish it almost entirely:

"At the hearings, a woman and two men wearing Army uniforms but no name tags or rank designations sat a table with two stacks of documents. One was about an inch thick, and the men were allowed to see some papers from that stack. The other pile was much thicker, but they were told that this pile was evidence only the board could see."

And this was an American detained over there. So is Mohammad Munaf, who was tried, convicted, and sentenced to death by an Iraqi court. How is that even possible?

Last Friday's All-American Tennis Shootout at the Austin Convention Center featured the No. 4 player in the world, James Blake; his brother Thomas; reigning U.S. clay court champ Mardy “Go” Fish; and the No. 1-ranked doubles team in the world, Bob and Mike Bryan. But the real man of the match was the one-and-only Ronald McDonald.

I'm not talking about any Ronald McDonald. I'm talking the Ronald McDonald. The mustard-and-ketchup clown of reknown. The man with the fries to go with that shake. The world’s No. 1-ranked corporate fast-food buffoon.

As a boon to all you last-minute shoppers, the Chronicle's crack team of reporters is assembling a holiday gift guide this week. Here's a quick preview for you procrastinators.

NewsMax Top 8 Bestselling Christmas Gifts:

Winger "news" Web site NewsMax declares victory in the War on Christmas with these thoughtless, ahem, thoughtful gifts. Get inspired by The Duke via "John Wayne: America, Why I Love Her," or listen in for signs of the Rapture on your Emergency World Band Radio.

Rummy's Forget Me (Not!) T-Shirt:

The curtains closed on Donald Rumsfeld's career last week, not a moment too soon. Here's a timely gift that fits the season to a T. Dreaming of a cathartic Christmas? Blaze the hike-and-bike trail in this little number and your endorphins will perk up faster than you can say "I don't do quaqmires." Rumsfeld Who? indeed. Fine this and other Rummy gems at CafrePress.com (search under Donald Rumsfeld).

Anything But Tofu and Soymilk:

Because as we all know, it makes you Teh Gay!

On Dec. 14, the Chronicle got word from Austin political consultant Mike Blizzard, who has stepped up to do some pro bono public relations consulting for Bexar Co. primate sanctuary Primarily Primates, Inc., that famed “Humanzee” Oliver, the chimpanzee cover boy for our feature on the battle over animal welfare at PPI, has moved into a new, larger enclosure at the 75-acre sanctuary. (See, “Famous Long Ago,” in this week’s issue.) It’s “really good news,” Blizzard said, and everyone at PPI is “really stoked about Oliver” being moved into an enclosure that Blizzard says is 10 times the size of his former home, a small red metal circus transport cage not much larger than a closet. In a phone message, Blizzard reported that Oliver is “very happy” with his new digs. By Thursday afternoon, he said, Oliver was kicking back and taking a nap – he’s “very tired,” Blizzard said, “because he’s been walking around” his new enclosure.

With domestic production valued (conservatively) at just more than $35 billion, marijuana is the largest cash crop in the U.S. – worth more than the nation’s corn and wheat crops, which, combined, are valued at just more than $30 billion, according to a new report by Jon B. Gettman, a public policy and economic development consultant, posted to the nonprofit information site DrugScience.org. According to Gettman – a former national director of NORML, who started the Drug Science Web site to disseminate scientific information about marijuana and to publicize a petition seeking to reschedule marijuana within the Controlled Substances Act – there were some 67 million pot plants grown in the U.S. in 2006, making pot the top cash crop in 12 states.