As they say, if you can't take the heat, get outta the kitchen. Or, as the case may be, stay off the road. That's the message Austin Police Dept. Chief Art Acevedo offered during a mid-day press conference Thursday at Lady Bird Lake, where he announced the department's "Summer Heat 2008" campaign to keep Austin's roads safe – and fatality free. Joined by members of the department's Motors Unit, Acevedo told reporters that officers would be out in force, beginning this Memorial Day weekend, ticketing Austin's crappy drivers. Acevedo was flanked by newly graduated police cadets, each of whom had pinned to their uniform shirt the date of a summer 2007 traffic fatality. In all, 17 people died on Austin roadways between Memorial Day and Labor Day 2007. In sum, have fun but stay safe – please, drive smart and be civil.

I'm handing the reins over to Chronicle City Beat editor Anne Harris today for a very special episode of Schadenfreude. Please enjoy. Let's take it back to the night of Wednesday, March 12, since we probably spent it together. We shook our heads and rattled our South by Southwest badges on the curb in front of Fuze, stunned at being shut out of the most significant Texas rap show this year – Bun B's memorial for Pimp C of UGK. It was live inside without us while a band no one has cared about in a decade swanned around outdoors at Stubb's where there was plenty of air for everybody. Standing out there next to the cameraman and boom guy from BET while their on-air fox batted her lashes in vain, I momentarily assessed my own charms, then left bitter. So, so bitter. Yeah, I'm a fan. It's personal. Fast forward to Music Mania, Wednesday, May 21, 6:54pm. That's the time-stamp on the photo at right. It matters because it was one of those moments that never happens: not one single bubble burst. Wearing no protective shades or masked expression, the King's presence and open charm were impressive given the long line of fans that waited for an autograph. And interesting. This is Mr. Woodgrain, the Sultan of Snow. But he's quiet. He conserves his words in a way more of us should edit ourselves. His eyes, the same ones staring back at us from the cover of Trill, net everything around him. His expression was warm as he introduced his wife, Queen, whose bearing lives up to her name. She outshines the other stuff on his arm and he's proud of her. (Edit thyself: I heard myself offering her a ride to Neiman's if she ever needs one.) I hugged him goodbye and told him I'd keep it 100. He laughed and said, "That's what it's about!"

An offensive explosion or a defensive implosion? Take your pick when it came to the matchup between the Austin Wranglers and the Texas Copperheads Friday, May 16. Austin demolished Texas 61-17. The Wranglers offense could not be stopped by a lousy Copperhead defense. And by lousy, that would mean not worthy of being on the same field as the opponent. Even worse for the Copperheads was their offense, which was a red blood cell short of anemic. Texas had only one offensive score on the evening, and it didn’t come until late in the third quarter. Quarterback Rudy Carlton, playing in place of the extremely ineffective starter Steven Wasil, threw a 31-yard strike to receiver Armar Watson. By the way, the score was 54-10 when the Copperheads scored their touchdown. Can anybody say, “Second team defense”? Wranglers quarterback Andy Hall continues his streak of impressive performances with a 238 yard, six touchdown day. He also added a two-yard rushing touchdown for icing on the cake. John Roberson decided to rub salt in the Copperheads’ wounds repeatedly by hauling in four touchdowns on 14 catches for 175 yards. Roberson now has a team best 19 touchdowns.

Principal Celina Estrada-Thomas announced Tuesday she would resign from Johnston High School at the end of this school year, adding just one more twist in the story of a high school that could be on its way to closure due to poor academic performance under the state’s accountability system. In announcing Estrada-Thomas’ departure, district officials were quick to note her resignation should not be construed as a signal the school is closing. Estrada-Thomas’ resignation letter, however, did not exactly brim with enthusiasm, starting with the line, “I gave Johnston a three-year commitment, and that commitment has been fulfilled.” Estrada-Thomas went on to write that she was stepping aside to allow someone else to take the school forward in a new direction. Right now, district officials are pleading with the Texas Education Agency to allow them to continue to operate Johnston, even if it fails to meet academically acceptable ratings, because they intend to reconfigure the campus, possibly as a new high-tech high school.

We received last-minute word from aGLIFF about an Opening Night Party at Oilcan Harry's for tonight's local premiere of gay-circuit film A Four Letter Word at the Dobie. Sadly, the notice did not include a time (we guess "after"), but it did mention "drink specials." The Casper Andreas (Slutty Summer) romp stars Jesse Archer (whom you may recognize from such films as Slutty Summer) and Here! TV's Charlie David (Dante's Cove).

Yes, film studios are popping up everywhere. I just got word of another one quietly being built in the Austin area (details when I can pry them loose). And now a report from the San Antonio Business Journal has Villa Muse looking instead to the land of enchiladas and heavy metal for its proposed mega-studio and theme park (well, sorta) after being jilted by the city of Austin. Meanwhile, Cynthia Neely, president of Women in Film & Television-Houston, confirmed to me today that a very serious effort is brewing to turn the once-regal Astrodome into a film studio. Am I the only one with images of Bud Cort flying across the field as Brewster McCloud swirling in my head? Surely something there needs to be named in honor of Robert Altman. The basement, maybe?

This week, Brooklyn’s the National, whose Boxer was one of the best albums of 2007, released the DVD A Skin, A Night. The film was made by Vincent Moon, the Paris-based auteur responsible for La Blogotheque’s famous Take-Away Shows. The online performances that Moon captures for La Blogotheque put artists in unique settings, their songs often re-imagined within the acoustic framework and odd visual context. It’s a format that has become increasingly popular on the Web, with everything from the London-based Black Cab Sessions to Austin’s own Retread Sessions. What Moon brings to his videos, however, is a sense of the beautifully bizarre, evoked in the intentionally lo-fi footage, distracted camera work, and often grating lighting. Consider Ramesh Srivastava's version of “Trouble,” posted last year, which sets the Voxtrot singer in a street carnival. Moon’s work always feels less about the songs than having the music serve a foil for his own artistic vision. It’s an approach that he applies to A Skin, A Night as well, which ultimately undermines the intent of the typical rock-doc or concert film format.

N.E.R.D. made headlines earlier this week when they announced plans for the band’s first feature film. Set to come out in December, it will depict the trio’s musical journey from recording to touring, described by Pharrell Williams as being something like A Hard Day's Night. Hip-hop and film hasn’t always been the perfect marriage (Cam’ron’s 2006 Killa Season comes to mind here), but Pharrell, Chad, and Shay made the right decision bringing in hip-hop video vet Hype Williams to handle directing. Williams truly made his name directing 1998’s Belly. Widely criticized for its iffy plot (Nas wrote the thing, and hasn’t written anything worth note since Illmatic), the film’s most heralded for its look. Each scene is shot like a music video, with contrasting colors, all vibrant and clear and captivating. N.E.R.D.’s third LP, Seeing Sounds, hits shelves June 10.

Incentives? Louisiana's got your incentives hanging. Lieutenant Governor Mitch Landrieu spoke with The Austin Chronicle at a roundtable held during the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival last month, to present first-hand accounts of the how the state's cultural economy initiatives work.

The media event featured cultural icons like queen of soul Irma Thomas and restaurant maverick Chef John Besh, as well as art curator Dan Cameron, artist Rhea Gary, and musicians John Boutte, Rockin' Dopsie, and fiddle prodigy and Disney teen talent Amanda Shaw, all sharing stories of culture's role in Louisiana's post-Katrina/Rita recovery.

The Lt. Guv's Louisiana Department of Culture, Recreation, and Tourism office handles the state's growing film industry; here he explains their strategy to lure crews and projects (while throwing in some savvy SXSW winks and nudges, to boot).


Texas…? Hello…? Bueller?