In Defense of the Forever Lazy

When I started writing this blog entry, my intent was to mock the Forever Lazy. After all, it’s essentially an adult-sized, fleecy onesie with “zippered hatches in front and back for great escapes when duty calls” –

I don’t think I need to explain further why the Forever Lazy, when worn in public like the commercial suggests, might very well make the wearer an object of scorn and mockery.

In my overwhelming benevolence, however, I have decided to leave the derision of this product to those more skilled than I in the art of sarcasm and wit. That style is just not my forte. No, friends, I am a champion of the underdog and a walker of the path less traveled, which is why I shall boldly defend the Forever Lazy from its would-be detractors. Yes, I do believe a Forever Lazy CAN be part of a stylish wardrobe. Here’s why: Some of my friends and frenemies tell me that I always look stylin’ and profilin’ because of my tendency to wear dresses most of the time. My secret? I don’t do it for style; I do it because I am terrible at matching separates. A dress takes all of the confusion out of creating a snazzy outfit. Just add leggings and booties and daaanggg girl, you lookin’ good. Now, what is the Forever Lazy but a dress with a crotch seam? That’s right, friends, no more mismatched separates for you! Just tug on the Forever Lazy, and you are coordinated right down to the toes! (That is, if you chose to purchase the matching footie socks. Just add extra shipping and handling!) Now, I admit, the fleecy texture and the bum flap are a little unfortunate, but an extra dose of confidence will be all you need to pull off the look.

If you just want to take the look for a test run, fear not: It probably won’t be cold enough in Austin to wear the Forever Lazy for long. True, I did see a guy walking around the UT campus wearing a Forever Lazy (or possibly a knockoff) decorated with a sports-ball pattern. I might just have to join in this trend and pave the way for my fellow citizens to sport this warm, snuggly garment just in time for what we Austinites call winter.

In short: The Forever Lazy, though derided by both the aesthete and the commoner, could be a boon to the fashion world. Slip into one, and you’ve got an instant, perfectly coordinated outfit. As someone who is admittedly lazy when it comes to fashion and who has several friends who are the same way, I fail to see why we can’t at least give it a try. “Unless,” as my roommate says, “you buy one in an animal print-pattern. That’s just going too far.”