Still drunk and stinking even more so after a 3-mile jog to retrieve my car from the evil clutches of a colleague's-birthday-party parking spot – thanks for the ride this morning, whoever you are – I called up my grandmother in St. Louis.

After the requisite small talk – my cousin will not, in fact, be making it to my brother's wedding; in other news, I'm growing up too fast – we settled into the real reason for our own little Sunday Conversation.

I'm no Margaret Cho or every single other stand-up comedian walking the face of the Earth – not trying to do the funny-family thing here – but what follows is real, people, albeit slightly parsed.

News came in this week that the Austin Toros will have the 10th pick in this year's D-League draft, which will take place Nov. 2. In honor of the occasion, I felt it was a good time to explain the ins and outs of the NBDL, its draft, and its affiliation system: in other words, a little primer. So, get out your pens and pads, put the kids to bed, and put on your learning caps. This is the NBDL in 2,000 words or less:

Tonight's pick game is easy: Westwood visiting Leander at A.C. Bible Stadium. Leave now, and you might still beat the 183 traffic. Maybe not, but still. QB Chase Rich has led the Warriors to their first-ever 4-0 start, including wins over Round Rock (behind Rich's 328 passing yards); Austin High (see below); and area 4A preseason favorite Lake Travis (who, by the way, are picking up steam, stomping Vista Ridge 49-14 last night behind four touchdowns from fabulously named senior back Austin Wrinkle). Beating Leander, 2-2, but still ranked No. 10 in the state in one poll and eminently dangerous, will go a long way toward proving the Warriors are for real, and put them in the 14-5A driver's seat to boot.

While Vince Young was celebrating his first pro start by spitting out the grass the Dallas Cowboys' defense had shoved into his craw, last year's second-best Texas college quarterback was all but forgotten.

If you don't know the name Barrick Nealy, you missed out on – next to Vince's win (yes, he did it himself) over USC in the Rose Bowl – the most exciting football in these parts, circa 2005. About now you're saying to yourself, "Sure, that's easy in I-AA ball." Don't tell that to the Texas A&M Aggies who should have lost to Barrick's Texas State Bobcats. And don't forget that I-AA has a playoff system Texas State almost blew through thanks to Nealy's pyrotechnics.

Almost. That should be the catchphrase for this Vince Young doppelganger.

Good afternoon, sports fans. I just awoke from a nearly weeklong alcohol-induced coma, which I fell into after the St. Louis Cardinals clinched the National League Central. It was in celebration, yes, but it was also in relief. It was a release of sorts. Remember: We don't drink to forget; we drink to ... remember.

But we also drink to expedite the passing-out process so as to escape Godsmack's "I Stand Alone," which some turd at Fox Sports Southwest and/or in the Houston Astros' organization thought was an appropriate choice to accompany a season-ending montage of highlights upon last Sunday's loss to the Atlanta Braves.

DPS will increase patrols Friday and Saturday along I-35 between Austin and Dallas to monitor traffic headed to Dallas for the Texas-Oklahoma football game. Troopers will concentrate on finding aggressive drivers, as well as speeders and drunken drivers on their way to the game or on their way home. They'll also look for people who are not wearing safety belts. Any drivers caught carrying an Oklahoma driver's license will be asked to leave the state immediately.

You already knew that, now Austin's Independence Brewing Co. has put it in a bottle. Run over to Central Market before supplies run out and get a 12-pack of their limited-edition "Oklahoma Suks" brand of beer. It will taste especially sweet while UT runs up the score.

The Next Level, Vince Young's new reality show (airing Wednesdays at 8:30pm on BET), is the worst thing to happen to his career since he got drafted by the Titans. For someone so freakishly talented, Young sure is a dull, average guy off the field, or at least that's how he seems on TV. Most of The Next Level plays like home movies, with Young walking around his hometown of Houston, introducing everybody he's ever met, including (seriously) people he played peewee football with. In case you were wondering, Vince, the third pick of the 2006 draft who carried UT to a national championship, was a freaking awesome peewee ball player.

Tough weekend for the Lady Longhorns: First they completely outplayed a good Oklahoma State team, only to lose, 1-0, on the Cowgirls' only shot on goal of the entire game; then they fumbled away a late two-goal lead and settled for a 3-3 draw with the 3-8 OU Sooners. The OSU game highlighted a persistent problem over the last few seasons: an inability to finish in close games or to turn big advantages in shot count into advantages on the scoreboard. The Horns have outshot every opponent this year except Penn State, often by huge margins. And in their three losses this year, each by a 1-0 count, UT has outshot opponents by a total of 43-14. So what's the solution? Hey, beats me. I don't really understand offenses; I'm more a defense-wins-championships kinda guy. For more soccer news and Euro 2008 Preview ...