It's hard out there for a third-party candidate. The Texas electoral system does a very good job of keeping the two-party ballot access status quo when it comes to election time. That's long been a bug-bear for Greens, Libertarians, Constitutionalists, the Free Hugs party et. al. Bob Barr and the Libertarian Party of Texas are dragging the secretary of state through the courts to get Obama and McCain thrown off the ballot. (Their argument is that they didn't file their paperwork in time, so it's less "throwing off" and more "never being on in the first place.) Now official write-in candidate (how does that work?) Ralph Nader has weighed in to echo what pretty much everyone else has said anout the suit: that it's going nowhere. The big two parties, Nader said, "will simply lean on state officials to ignore the law or direct the Texas legislature to push back the deadline after it expired." Calling the filing fiasco as "just another example of political bigotry and its double-standard in American politics," Nader went on to congratulate the Libertarians for getting on the ballot (no sign of whether that was through gritted teeth. Seriously, official write-in? Who's idea was that?)

As a politician, you have to glad-hand a lot of folks, some unsavory. But how about the architects of the greatest foreign policy blunder of all time, the war criminals and stars of Oliver Stone's upcoming W., George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. The local boys are up there to receive accolades for their supportive treatment of employees returning from serving in Iraq (the darker side of which, coincidentally, you can read about in today's Chronicle). While in D.C., "Mayor Wynn will also hold separate meetings with President Bush, Vice President Cheney and members of the Austin Congressional delegation to discuss disaster planning and response in the ongoing wake of Hurricane Ike," according to a press release. But what will happen if W and Vice sniff out Austin passed a resolution opposing the war? Awkwaaaaaaaaaaard … And that must be why Wynn punted on giving City Hall Hustle a quote on Sarah Palin in this week's edition. The press release after the jump.

The nonprofit Center for Science in the Public Interest last week filed suit in Washington, D.C. against beer maker MillerCoors, asking the court to force the company to stop selling its alcospeed "energy" beer beverage Sparks. According to CSPI, MillerCoors is marketing Sparks to the 'tween and teen crowd with its "juvenile" web site and "guerilla marketing." Alcospeed beverages like Sparks have more alcohol than does beer – Sparks contains 6-7% by volume – is "enhanced" by a sweet taste (ick, ick, ick), is bright orange (seriously: orange beer. Barf), and contains a host of additives, including caffeine and guarana. In October, MillerCoors is set to release Sparks Red, which will contain 8% alcohol by volume. In all, CSPI says the drinks are marketed to seem more like soda than booze, thus appealing to younger drinkers.

Halloween, it seems, starts on Sept. 18. The House of Torment haunted attraction, situated in the parking lot on the east side of Highland Mall, bites into its 2008 season tonight. As a special treat, opening night is free (although you have to book your tickets on-line in advance.) This year, Team Torment ramped up the theatricality by bringing in stage pros like Naughty Austin/Arts on Real powerhouse Blake Yelavich and Fiona Rene (recently getting rave reviews in these pages for her work on City Theatre's Alice in Wonderland. Not that House founder Dan McCullough and his team are slackers at this whole gore-scare-haunting thing: the House was selected one of the nation's top 13 Halloween atractions by haunted house trade magazine HauntWorld, and is home to the Best-of-Austin-winning Mr. Creep. As Yelavich recently explained, "This isn't a dark maze of black walls and spooky things in the corners … it is undoubtedly one of the best theatrical sets I have seen in Austin … And it is interactive!" So never say the Chronicle doesn't tell you about free stuff. Just don't get eaten in there.

The UT Longhorns, held to a scoreless draw on Sunday by Arizona State for the first blemish on their record, travel to TCU Friday night, then host the No. 22 California Bears, 1pm Sunday, Sept. 21. Both St. Edward's teams held onto their perfect records and national rankings. The men moved to 4-0 on the season, beating UT-Brownsville 2-0, despite playing a man down for almost the entire game, after Ezual Lewis got two yellow cards in the first 14 minutes. This weekend marks their first two Heartland Conference games, at TAMU-International in Laredo on Friday, before coming home to host Newman, 1pm Sunday, Sept. 21, a game rescheduled from last week's hurricane scare. The St. Ed's women (2-0 after beating Angelo State) host Texas Women's Univ., 4pm Thursday, then West Texas A&M, 1pm Saturday, Sept. 20, in the Second Annual Kim Yeatts Memorial Classic, benefiting the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. St. Edward's will wear pink uniforms in support of the cause, and donations will be accepted throughout the stands. There were some surprises in the first day of Champions League action (Europe, and North/Central America) Tuesday and Wednesday. See full results below.

I’ve got a birthday this week and to celebrate I’m looking back at the best album from every year I’ve been alive, a concept I lifted from an interview with writer Chuck Klosterman. Here goes: 1979: Michael Jackson, Off the Wall This is the only album from my birth year still in semi-regular rotation. The first great MJ record is pop perfection. 1980: Bob Marley & the Wailers, Uprising A worthy final act, Uprising is the final studio album from a truly transcendent figure. 1981: Rick James, Street Songs With steamy funk jams like "Super Freak" and "Give It to Me Baby," Street Songs is a coked-up sex party pressed in wax. 1982: Michael Jackson, Thriller To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, Michael is cleared of all charges and subsequent creepiness; "he made Thriller." 1983: Violent Femmes, Violent Femmes One of only two rock albums on my list, the Violent Femmes debut is undeniable. Credit my brother Jake for spinning this album on repeat during his angsty teenage years. 1984: Prince, Purple Rain What more to be said? 1985: RUN D.M.C., King of Rock The kings from Queens wouldn't raise hell with their masterpiece for another year but King of Rock was still groundbreaking.

As of today, around 1,500 evacuees were staying at five shelters in the Austin area at the Austin Convention Center (1,196), Delco Center (144), Burger Center (79), University of Texas J.J. Pickle Research Center (44 medical special needs), and the former Bowie Elementary School in San Marcos (between 118). According to the City of Austin's OEM:

Marc Summers, host of the Food Network's Unwrapped, is in town today with a production crew filming a story about one of Austin's favorite homegrown beverages, Sweet Leaf Tea. No word yet on when the segment will air, but we'll keep you posted. In the meantime, we're assured there will be plenty of Sweet Leaf's delightful, refreshing teas to help you survive at the Austin City Limits Festival next weekend.

Your Hurricane Emergency Buddies, the HEB at I-35 & Parmer, 500 Canyon Ridge Drive (Techridge Plaza) is currently accepting donations. THEY NEED:

canned pop top meats and vegetables

shampoo/conditioner

dental creams

body wash

water

toothbrushes/toothpaste

any non-perishable item

money

They will be set up to collect all day, until 7pm tonight.
Call 973-8143 if you need more info.