The Austin Chronic: A Holiday Shopping List for the Weed Lover in Your Life

From stocking stuffers like blue lotus cones to Nice-List presents like an art pipe by Salt, my Christmas list is complete (photos by Kevin Curtin / art by Zeke barbaro)

Before I share with you a holiday gift guide that I’ve lovingly assembled, I must divulge that I am active-duty in the War on Christmas.

And I actually enjoy Christmas culture. Every December 24, I turn on It’s a Wonderful Life and think about my grandmother. You know the big, decorative tin with cheese popcorn, salted popcorn, and caramel corn? Those are also a big part of my life. But the thing I like the most about Christmas is how everybody just agrees to listen to a different genre of music for five weeks.

Still, I’m against the idea that “Merry Christmas” deserves to be the de facto December greeting in the United States. It’s presumptuous – and not just religiously. It obligates participation in a holiday that’s really expensive. Of course, I say that as a broke father who just realized that I not only have to buy presents for my kids, but also presents for my kids to give their mom; then, on top of that, I have to buy more presents for my kids and say they’re from Santa.

That’s the other part of mandatory Christmas that bums me out: You have no choice but to lie to children about some totally implausible Santa ruse. I almost blew it during Thanksgiving dinner when the Reddi-Wip can had a Black Santa on it and I said, “You know some right-wing family is losing their shit over this – acting like this guy who’s not even real has to be white.” Then I heard my son’s cute little voice: “But daddy, Santa is real!”

All that considered, I don’t think it’s fair to make anyone feel pressured to participate in Christmas, and part of the way we correct that is by evaluating the informal language we use around this time of year. So I’m not saying “Merry Christmas” and I might not even give you a “Happy Holidays” if I see you on the street, unless I can discern you’re a person who, in fact, likes holidays. I’ll just say something widely applicable like “Hey I like your coat.”

But most people do celebrate something surrounding the winter solstice and whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or the Pagan festival of Yule, you might have to buy a gift for a stony friend or relative in your life. If so, here’s a rundown of some interesting cannabis-related offerings I’m seeing on shelves this year.

A Smell-Proof Fanny Pack

I’m a big proponent of fanny packs. They’re nice if your outfit has a bad pocket situation and they’re extremely clutch for having your pipe, lighter, and stash all in one place. Now they have ones that lock in the stank. A wonderfully helpful salesperson at SmokeATX showed me some by a company called Revelry that had a stylishly classic design, roughly $50.

The Power Hitter

A cannabis smoking accessory that’s been around for decades, but is still highly underrated. It’s this device that looks like a water bottle, but you stick a lit joint inside it, squeeze it, and a perfect column of smoke shoots out the top that you can breathe in. A fun and effective way to pass a joint without swapping spit, they’re available at most head shops – I saw one at Abe’s Smoke Shop for $28.

The Smokebuddy Personal Air Filter

Remember when you were in high school and you stuffed dryer sheets into a toilet paper tube, then blew your bong hits through it so it didn’t stink up your room? Well now that’s an actual product, except it’s eco-friendly and chemical free ... and not made out of bathroom refuse. It might be a good gift for a smoker who stays in a lot of Airbnbs.

The Wave Bubbler by GRAV

While I’ve always perceived the pipes of the Austin-headquartered GRAV Labs to be function-over-form, this beautifully designed and affordable bubbler looks like a piece of decor in your aunt Sheryl’s beach house – in the best way – and it hits like a champ.

Snoozy: Sleep With Benefits Gummies

While scoping gift ideas at Greenbelt Botanicals, best known for prerolls of high-quality flower (like the Blue Nerdz strain that’s 34% THCA), I witnessed four consecutive customers – all of them older, normal-looking folks – purchase packages of these gummies, which have 10mg of THC, CBD, and CBN – the minor cannabinoid associated with sleep. All of them gave rave reviews, so they could make a good present for a restless friend.

A Handheld Hash Vape

If you know someone who needs to ditch their complicated dab rig and scary blowtorch, the portable hash vapes are getting really good. The makers of the Volcano perfected such devices with the Venty, but for one-third the price you can get the new Puffco Pivot.

The Gold Gilded Grinder from Sackville & Co.

A quality grinder, modestly priced at $80, with a unique aesthetic – looking more like a fetching souvenir from Morocco than something you break up weed with.

Blue Lotus Cones

Blue lotus has been smoked since ancient times for its mild tranquil effect. Now you can buy cones made of lotus petals to fill with cannabis.

Glass Art by Salt

Austin’s most esteemed glassblower, known as “Salt,” crafts hyper-detailed, highly intricate art bongs that resemble unknown creatures from the deep sea. I had to pick my jaw off the floor while inspecting a display of his work at Connoisseur Smoke Shop. Salt himself makes an appearance at that high-end glass art emporium (1011 E. Sixth) on Dec. 14, where new pieces will be unveiled. His “functional art” pieces cost thousands of dollars, but sometimes you have to shoot your shot when you’re making your holiday wish list.

Radix House Gift Card

The magical combo of coffee and cannabis intersects at this trailer outside Westgate Lanes that specializes in infused drinks such as a THC chai latte. A $10 gift card is enough to set up a friend who loves to wake-n-bake.