After a Fashion

Blue Lapis Light, a site-specific dance company, performs at the Cedar Street Courtyard and Málaga tonight, Thursday, May 18, with emcees Kitty from Mix 94.7 and your beloved Style Avatar.

TRIPE I received an interesting piece of e-mail last weekend from an unknown woman named Terressa Hanna, who spammed The Austin Chronicle mailboxes with her plea for help. Apparently, Mme. Hanna, from the San Antonio vicinity, gave her 12-year-old son her credit card and sent him to a Blockbuster video store to see if they would sell him a magazine, which she says, "I would call porn." Blockbuster did indeed sell him the magazine, and now Mme. Hanna is outraged. I have so many problems with this that I don't know where to begin. As if there weren't enough real drama in our world already, this scenario, completely constructed by Mme. I-Have-Too-Much-Time-on-My-Hands – I mean, Mme. Hanna – is a ridiculous attempt to stir up drama where there is none to begin with. There is a link provided to San Antonio news station KSAT-TV's Web site with a video screen and a title that says, "Mother Protests Over Availability of Racy Magazines," followed by a brief summary: "A mother sends her 12-year-old son to a popular video store to find out if he can purchase a racy magazine." The video on KSAT's Web site did not play when I tried it, but in it, evidently, Mme. Hanna's claims are refuted by a police lieutenant because Hanna's e-mail says, "The Lt. in this news segment is going to take another look at the magazine because he said he did not see the drawings of people having sex and talk about sex in the magazine, but I would like more help." If Mme. Hanna needs help finding sexual content in a magazine sold over the counter in a large national video chain, then perhaps she's trying too hard. While the magazine may be pornographic by her standards, she may be unaware that our government prefers to legislate what is and what is not pornography. The subject line from the e-mail says, "Who is protecting our kids from Terressa Hanna." Surely she meant something different with her title, but its mis-wording hits the nail directly on the head. Who is protecting our kids from Terressa Hanna? This is a woman with far too much time on her hands. When she says, "I need help!!!!!!!," you'd better believe she needs help – she needs help finding a hobby or something else to occupy her time. Cross-stitching, Mme. Hanna – a time-honored way to fill your time and create a thing of beauty. Woodworking. Gardening. Volunteering for a nonprofit. All of these are lovely alternatives to creating problems, Mme. Hanna.

HELP! Not that I run "Help Wanted" ads in this column, but filmmaker Paul Bright is hard at work on the script of his new movie, Theft of the Drag Queen's Wig. "Don't let them drag you down" is the tagline, but the movie is not about the drag queen or her wigs – it's about a man who has a boring job, falls in love with a guy who is very different from himself, and is forced into situations that make him choose to step outside of his shell. Mr. Bright is looking for a costume designer to work for deferred payment. His script will require a Statue of Liberty with a huge crown/hat that has a miniature White House, Mount Rushmore, and Washington Memorial built into it; a Liberty Bell; a giant ribbon (like those yellow ribbons on everybody's cars); and possibly a Tiananmen Square version of the Statue of Liberty. These would be for the character Miss Liberty Hills, who is a female impersonator working at a gay leather club called the Golden Door. The designer would also need to dress three chorus boys for various numbers. If you're interested, send me an e-mail, and I'll pass it on to Mr. Bright.

TONIGHT! Thursday, May 18, 6-9pm, at the Cedar Street Courtyard/Málaga is the Blue Moon Dance & Fashion Soirée, a fundraiser for Blue Lapis Light dance company, featuring a Sally Jacques-choreographed performance, live music, food, auction, and cash bar. More details are available at www.bluelapislight.org. And yes, I will be emceeing the event along with my longtime partner in crime, Mix 94.7's Kitty (remember she used to be Miss Kitty? Well, she's all grown up now and purrs like a pro). Be there or be Cher… Also tonight, Thursday, May 18, join downtown jewelry boutique Eliza Page as they present the collection of visiting New York jewelry designer Marion Cage. Enjoy cocktails, fun, and beautiful accessories. Go to www.elizapage.com for details… Saturday, May 20, 7:30-10pm, is Arthouse's Best of Austin award-winning event, the fabulous 5x7 Art Splurge and Exhibition. It's one of my favorite annual events; go to www.arthousetexas.org for more info… Sunday, May 21, 5-9pm at Jovita's, the Political Asylum Project of Austin invites you to join them and the illustrious hard-drinkin' and hard-rockin' San Saba County for food, drink, and music to raise funds to support PAPA's legal programs for immigrants. For more information and to purchase tickets, go to www.main.org/papa/papadomingo.html.