After a Fashion

Joan Crawford

THE WRITTEN WORD I almost never buy books new. Most of the books I really want are old. And shopping for them can be an illuminating experience. Used bookstores abound, of course, and are incredibly rich sources of out-of-print material. Half-Price Books is a particular favorite, since I have found that they offer a phenomenal selection of fashion books all across the country. Needless to say, they offer hundreds of thousands of books of all descriptions, but fashion books are of special interest to me, and it is upon that that I judge a bookstore. And the magic of the Internet has made the hunt a lot easier. Barnes & Noble, for instance, offers their rare and out-of-print book search (www.barnesandnoble.com), putting you in touch with independent booksellers across the country who have the very book you want. B&N seems to add a hefty premium for their service, on top of the dealer's price, but it's a minor price to pay if you really want that book. Another great source, of course, is eBay -- many of the books that I had once despaired as being unattainable are now in my hot little hands because of this online auction site.

JUS' A LI'L OL' GAL FROM SAN ANTONE Among my favorite online acquisitions are biographies. It would not surprise anyone to know that I have made Joan Crawford my life's work. I've spoken of her before in print, as she related to video and book reviews, or just because I could. And any faithful reader of "After a Fashion" knows I have a chronic addiction to eBay. But the availability of Joan items on eBay is a deadly combination, a power greater than I, and I humbly submit to it. I am well on my way to owning just about everything in print about her, and it is the things she says about herself that most hold me in rapt fascination. There are very interesting sources to find Joan talking about herself, including the two books she wrote which I have now acquired. Her 1962 autobiography A Portrait of Joan is a lot of sanctimonious baloney, but amusing nonetheless. Most amusing is Joan's 1971 My Way of Life, where she shows you how to run your life just like hers.

She spares us nothing. Describing the abuse meted out at the private school in which she was an indentured servant: "I was thrown down the stairs and beaten with a broom handle. This should have turned me off to housework forever, but the funny thing is that I still love scrubbing and ironing ... I could no sooner leave a bed unmade than I could fly to the moon." Yeah, Joan, we know. "It's not you I'm mad at, it's the dirt," remember? In her section called "A Script for a Complete Woman," Joan tells us, "Sex is very beautiful, very personal, magnificent. But like all marvelous things, she should come in a lovely wrapping ... packaging is important. How can any woman present herself in careless packaging?" On partygiving, she recommends "a wild mixture" including "some corporation presidents, add a few lovely young actresses, a bearded painter, a professional jockey, your visiting friends from Brussels, a politician, a hairdresser, and a professor of physics ..." Pretty wild, Joan! She qualifies that by saying, "Of course, I wouldn't want to have hippies come crawling in with unwashed feet ..." But, Joan! You like scrubbing! Her organizational skills are amazing. She talks of the ability to give a buffet dinner for 12 -- with only one servant! Truly incredible. Her blatant double-standard shines through on many occasions, notably in the section on entertaining, in which she decrees that an hour is long enough for cocktails. This, from the woman for whom happy hour lasted from 1925 through 1975? Upon "Moving Into a Man's World," Joan warns us about executive women, especially one who, "... swaggered in with a chip on her manly shoulder, believing that she had to fight her way up, and fight men to do it. A gal like that can make it tough for the rest of us." A gal like who, Joan? When she suggests putting a rowing machine in your basement so the family can have nightly workouts, you know she put her own family through a different kind of nightly workout. Wise words from a woman who really knew how to live. And only one example of the treasures that can be yours through the magic of online shopping!

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