Carburator Blues

For me, end-of-summer is a time to kick back, open up a fresh can of snuff, crack some windows, break out the Mickey's malt liquor, and read books 100% guaranteed not to engage whatever intellectual pretensions may be left in my smoked-out, sunburned head. Pages and pages of line after line of uninterrupted text, with more five-dollar words than the Magna Carta? Keep 'em. It's still summertime, man. (And don't bogart that can, either.) I want big, shiny, colorful pictures, and I want lots of 'em. Not the most intellectual of yearnings, I realize, but as a student, nine months out of the year I'm stuck reading books with enthralling titles like Race and Class In Texas Politics, The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual, Anglos and Mexicans in the Republic of Texas, 1836-1986, and my personal favorite, An Economic Analysis of 20th-Century Free-Market Capitalism. I made that last one up. At least, I hope I did. Finding a picture in one of thoseis, well, let's just say it would be easier to find good taste on The Ricki Lake Show.

Here's one, though, with lots of pictures: the Ford Fairmont Mercury Zephyr Automotive Repair Manual by Larry Warren and John H. Haynes (Haynes North America Inc., $11.88 paper [available at Autozone]). Granted, this book probably won't be much use to you if you don't own one of the cars mentioned in the title, but it's a good read nevertheless. My favorite parts are the sections "Turbocharger - stripdown, inspection and assembly," "Cylinder bores - inspection and overhaul," "Exhaust gas recirculation (EGR) system - description and maintenance," and scintillating Chapter Four, "Fuel and Exhaust Systems." This is like looking at an anatomy book for cars: lots of diagrams of mostly unrecognizable parts, all of which have names longer than the Harvard waiting list. At least they're not in Latin, though they may as well be sometimes.

Even if you can't understand it all, reading The Ford Mercury, etc., manual can make you feel greasy, sweaty, and miles from anything academic- or work-related. Besides, it's a good excuse to use words like "manifold," "crankshaft," and "timing chain." What better reason could there be?

- Chris Gray