The veil between Disney films and Disney parks is thin. Some of the most beloved rides at the Happiest Place on Earth are movie tie-ins, but the connection goes both ways. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, there was a brief spate of film adaptations of theme park rides. Most have been forgotten (who thought that getting Brian De Palma to direct a big-screen version of Mission to Mars would create memorable cinema?) with the Pirates of the Caribbean series being the rare exception. However, there’s a small fan base for the 2003 version of The Haunted Mansion, which in hindsight was one of the highlights of Eddie Murphy’s family-friendly era. With Disney having kicked off a new wave of attraction-based movies with Jungle Cruise, now they’ve wandered from Adventureland to New Orleans Square for a second family-friendly scare.
Haunted Mansion digs into the mythology of the version of the ride in Disneyland’s New Orleans Square (don’t worry, Floridians, the Magic Kingdom gothic destination gets its moment) and starts on a truly miserable note. Astrophysicist Ben (Stanfield) meets cute with haunted NOLA tour guide Alyssa (Jordan), who then dies offscreen, leaving him depressed, drunk, and discredited. His unlikely chance at redemption comes when single mom Gabbie (Dawson) and her Urkel-meets-Manny-from-Modern Family son, Travis (Dillon), who wants him to prove that the ghosts in the house she just brought are real. The how is easy (he, for reasons, built a ghost-detecting camera) but the why is less clear: It’s just a plot excuse to get him through the door, just as she does with a hip priest (Wilson), a wisecracking medium (Haddish), and a teppanyaki-loving architectural historian (DeVito).
But none of those names is why anyone will be buying a ticket. It’s to see one of the most beloved theme park rides in the world get the big-screen treatment, and Dear White People director Justin Simien delivers, in a way. Fifty-nine years later, the work of lead Imagineers Marc Davis and Claude Coats and their team still captivates park guests with its Victorian Gothic mix of scary, silly, and show tunes. Haunted Mansion is basically one giant collection of Easter eggs, from endless corridors to hitchhiking ghosts. Yet even fans of the ride will only get so much pleasure from being able to tick off the checklist of decorative nods.
The best inclusion of all is Jared Leto as the malicious Hatbox Ghost: Much like his absurdly, delightfully hammy turn as Paolo Gucci in House of Gucci, he’s having so much pantomime fun that his scenes are at least a little infectious. Unfortunately, you see about as much of the Hatbox Ghost on the ride as you do in the film, denying it an opportunity for a Jack Sparrow-esque charismatic maniac.
It seems clear that writer Katie Dippold was hired on the basis of her credit for the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot, and Haunted Mansion fails because it also tries to summon the spirit of the 1984 original classic Ghostbusters. There was a special magic about three old friends who knew each other’s comedic timing throwing themselves into a silly-serious horror. The cast smoothed out the wild tonal shifts, something that the inhabitants of this haunted mansion can never achieve.
The experience is a little like being stuck in a Doom Buggy on a day when the ride is very stop-start. The flow of the attraction collapses, becoming individual cool designs but not a story. After all, the floating candelabra is awesome, but nobody wants to spend 10 minutes watching it when you know you’re just so close to the Grand Hall.
This article appears in July 28 • 2023.
