To: John Razook
From: Shawn Badgley
Time: Sunday, March 11, 5:30pm
Subject: Selection Sunday
John:
Of course.
Of course the last conference title game before the field of 65 was announced today was an OT thriller played at a high level by underclassmen in a premier league. Kevin Durant went for 37 – albeit on 29 shots – against Kansas and Brandon Rush, whose all-around performance went well beyond the 19 he put up as one of four Jayhawks in double figures.
Of course it was the Big XII Championship in Oklahoma City, which we previewed earlier this month, when you correctly picked Kansas to win it. I incorrectly picked Missouri and said Texas would lose early.
Of course, I also said they’ll be in Atlanta for the Final Four three weeks from now.
Of course I’m writing this when I should be writing about SXSW Film and Interactive. Luckily, I have people who take care of that for me. Madness, indeed.
Of course KU is a No. 1 (in the West Regional), just announced along with Florida (in the Midwest as the overall top seed), UNC (East), and Ohio State (South). Yawn, right? Yeah, I know. But how about the 5-12 game in the Midwest?! Butler-Old Dominion? The 7-10 in the West?! Indiana-Gonzaga! A possible Gonzaga-UCLA rematch two days after that? The fact that Duke will go down in the first round against Virginia Commonwealth in that same region!? Even the stupidity of the self-absorbed and -important pieces of bloody raccoon stool that are Seth Davis and Doug Gottlieb can’t ruin the good feeling I have in my heart at this moment. Dear Life: I love you. Sincerely, Shawn.
Actually, that’s bullshit. I take it back. Where in the complete history of the word fuck is Syracuse? There must be some kind of mistake here. Whew. Seriously. Wow. Which grandfathered jokestack at the biggest factory in Clowntown exceeded his whiskey enema dosage today and left behind in his hotel bathroom the Selection Committee notes on the Orange’s profile he was responsible for? Syracuse beat Georgetown – a 2, dudes – one week ago! What were you doing when you should have been watching that? Smoking crack? Come on. You are killing me here.
To summarize: ridiculous. But it’s probably worth it just to see Jim Boeheim’s face right now. More entertaining than a likely early exit would be, at least. Of course, it would probably be the same face in that scenario.
No Drexel, though? Arguably a bigger crime against humanity. They beat the ‘Cuse at the Carrier Dome this season. How much did Arkansas budget to send Fayetteville’s finest prostitute to Indianapolis in persuading the committee to give them what was probably the last or second-last at-large bid? Arkansas sucks. Xavier sucks. That there are only six mid-major at-larges in this year sucks. And sorry, Will Leitch, but an Illinois over, say, a Florida State?
I suppose the ACC and Big 10 cancel each other out, right, Gary Walters, committee chair who went to Princeton? Both with 1 seeds; about the same number of bids. On one hand you have your Jeffersonian democracy and on the other your Jacksonian brand, etc., etc., that kind of thing. Right? Wrong, turdwhistle. The ACC is 48-27 in the ACC-Big 10 Challenge. That’s a six-year sample and enough to go on: It’s a better conference. Florida State got screwed. Illinois got in.
Still, this happens every year to somebody. Fact is, it’ll be a spectacular tournament, and I’ll have forgotten about this lamentable development. This black cloud will have passed over. Plus, maybe we’ll get a Syracuse-Oklahoma State rematch in the NIT. Everything will be OK.
And what of the Longhorns? Will they be OK as a 4 in the East? Against New Mexico State to open? With USC or the aforementioned Razorbacks looming in the round of 32? And, looking ahead, the Heels at the top of the bracket? Probably. I think they’re going to the Sweet 16. After that, who knows? Do you, John? You’re their beat writer. But you’re also at the Horseshoe right now with your band.
Please advise. Tell us about the Big XII’s chances. In the meantime, I’m going to get drunk and stoned before crying into the bosoms of Orangewomen Erin Collier, Chronicle marketing director, and Nicolette Aizenberg, Miramax publicity maven. Collier and I were at the Crown & Anchor the other day watching Syracuse lose to Notre Dame in the Big East tournament. Our rationalized response: “Good. We didn’t want them to be too tired for the Dance like last year. Now they can rest.”
UPDATE: No rest for the weary, but more bullshit. Syracuse got a 2 seed in the NIT. The NIT is going to be cool this year, if only because Syracuse grads (and dropouts) control the media.
This article appears in March 9 • 2007.