How many people gave up eating anything with tentacles after watching My Octopus Teacher? Many meat eaters blanch at being omnivores once they work out that parts of their lunch have feelings. Imagine how amplified those worries must be when your dinner is capable of driving itself to your house and performing tricks for your sixth birthday. That’s when young vampire Sasha (played as a child by Cantin) suddenly gets squeamish about this whole hunting humans thing – rather than the more reasonable response of being terrified of kids’ party clowns – and declines to let her fangs grow in.
Her moral struggles with the whole bloodsucking lifestyle are the warm heart of French-Canadian comedy-horror Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant), in which director Ariane Louis-Seize delightfully explores the mundanity of suburban vampire life, love, and the tricky concept of consent.
The award-winning script by Louis-Seize and Christine Doyon throws out the idea of immortal creatures of the night. These cardigan-wearing Nosferatu just live a few hundred years longer than humans, so it takes Sasha decades to become a sulky teenager. Now played with gloomy restraint by Montpetit, she’s still sucking on the blood bags provided by her overstretched mother (Cadieux). Much to the chagrin of her underachieving father (Laplante), she’s sent to live with her mean girl cousin, Denise (O’Farrell), in an attempt to get her to fang up. The solution to her problems may come in the suitable edible form of the very human Paul (Bénard). But is she drawn to his quiet, sweet nature, or because his suicidal tendencies mean that he’d probably be OK with becoming her lunch?
Sweet and silly rather than ghoulish or grisly, Humanist Vampire sits in opposition to this year’s similarly themed Beetlejuice knockoff Lisa Frankenstein – and it’s not just because of its muted color palette. Witty and poignant, there’s understated charm to the interplay between Montpetit and Bénard that peaks in a winsome scene in which she mimes along to Brenda Lee’s “Emotions.” The scene marks a turning point as the film develops almost a screwball element, but it’s a testament to Louis-Seize’s graceful touch as a filmmaker that it’s not a jarring transition: Rather, it’s just a little less Jim Jarmusch in the mix and a little more Aki Kaurismäki. Like the work of both directors, it’s profoundly romantic in its own distinctly quirky way, as the duo find a truly creative way to make their oddball relationship work out. It may not solve your squeamishness about dining on live oysters or cute bunnies, but Humanist Vampire’s decision to center solving relationship troubles over satirical bite means any bared fangs will come from a sympathetic smile.
This article appears in July 12 • 2024.
