Where’s Barb?

$13.99, www.thinkgeek.com/product/jtov
Oh, poor Barbara Holland. Just because Nancy wanted to get drunk with Steve, she was left all alone at the party. But where did she go after that? Is she in the high school? Is she at Radio Shack? Maybe that nice repairman from Hawkins National Laboratory might be able to help find her! – Richard Whittaker

Pretty Little Liars box set

$209.99, www.amazon.com/Pretty-Little-Liars-Complete-Set/dp/B01LTHO0NK
A teen thriller with more bite than expected, the Pretty Little Liars box set is the perfect gift for any murder mystery fan that enjoys quick wit and sometimes ridiculous plot twists. If you’ve already seen the series, chances are you still have questions about the Rosewood liars and their ever-changing rival “A.” With 36 discs filled with bonus footage, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and cast interviews, you’ll pick up on clues you missed the first time around, or at least nab some fashion tips. Who knew you could fit so much mayhem in such a small box? – Sarah K. Wolf

Game of Moans Dildo Sword

$110, www.etsy.com/listing/294405367/game-of-moans-dildo-sword-long-shaft
You know what some haters say about Game of Thrones, right? They say “Fuck Game of Thrones!” Ha! The joke’s on them, because winter is coming and now you really can fuck Game of Thrones, thanks to this “Game of Moans” dildo sword complete with a “long shaft” made of silicone and resin with a dashing wooden hilt capped by a silver direwolf pommel. The night is now dark and full of … pleasure? Forget all that WWJD nonsense and ask yourself, “What would Cersei do?” Ice, fire, fun! – Marc Savlov

This article appears in December 8 • 2017.

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The Chronicle's first Culture Desk editor, Richard has reported on Austin's growing film production and appreciation scene for over a decade. A graduate of the universities of York, Stirling, and UT-Austin, a Rotten Tomatoes certified critic, and eight-time Best of Austin winner, he's currently at work on two books and a play.