“The party’s on/ The feeling’s here/ That only comes/ This time of year/ Simply having a wonderful Christmas time.”
Yes, I did just go there. I hate the McCartney slander this time of year and it will not stand.
It’s Christmas Eve and record store owner Tori just wants to get drunk and laid, in that order. She hates all things Christmas and wants it to be over with. She’s got a Tinder date all lined up until her employee Robbie (Delich) tries to dissuade her from those plans. He wants her to hang out with him instead. While she should absolutely not be hooking up with her employee, the flirtatious banter between the two makes it seem that is exactly where the night is heading. After stopping off at their friend’s toy shop where the RoboSanta+ is on display and hitting their local bar for several shots, the two head to Tori’s house. Things go from naughty to hella naughty as all hell breaks loose when Tori happens to see what appears to be jolly old Saint Nick murdering the absolute fuck out of the neighbor kid. Drop your cocks and grab your socks ’cause Santa Claus is coming to town to … kill!
Too much?
Christmas Bloody Christmas is a lot of fun. As someone who didn’t love his drugged-out Bliss but did enjoy punks-versus-veterans bloodbath VFW, I was looking forward to what writer/director Joe Begos had in store for us with his take on Santasploitation, and he delivers. This is decidedly not for the kiddies, with enough blood and fucks to fill two movies. Dandy appears in nearly every single second of screen time, and she is wonderful as Tori, while Delich is a treasure as Robbie.
Look, like any movie that has a killer robot, it does get silly in the end. The face of the RoboSanta+ (played by veteran character actor Abraham Benrubi, aka Jerry the Porter from ER) made me think Richard Moll was stomping around murdering folks, but that isn’t a bad thing, and the gore was great, so Santa hats off to the practical effects team.
You’ll want to gather some friends, get some drink down your neck (although not eggnog ’cause that shit is nasty), and catch Christmas Bloody Christmas sometime over the holidays. It’s a blast and a half. Besides, if you don’t, you’ll get on RoboSanta+’s naughty list and it will not be just a lump of coal in your stocking this year, I can promise you that.
This article appears in December 9 • 2022.