Things the right wing punditocracy will complain about when it comes to the Oscars:

– Eco-terrorist manifesto Happy Feet beating out Cars, proving once and for all that Hollyweird hates Nascar Man.
– Al Gore soaking up the spotlight by being onstage twice.
– Al Gore speaking when the Best Documentary Feature award was given to his director, David Guggenheim, for An Inconvenient Truth.
– Al Gore existing.
– The Academy being hypocrites about diversity by snubbing minorities and not giving enough awards to Dreamgirls. They’ll then complain about giving an Oscar to Melissa Etheridge, a lesbian.
– Somehow, Glen Beck will connect Pan’s Labyrinth triple-whammy to illegal migrants. Don’t ask how, but he’ll try. (Editor’s note: maybe how Cuaron, del Toro, and Iñárritu are taking American directors’ jobs?)

Speaking of blabbermouths, someone call Keith Olberman: With one quote, Imus made himself an early contender for this week’s worst person in the world award. Take it away, I-Man …

(On the delayed burial of Anna Nicole Smith): “If they don’t bury her soon, she’s gonna start looking like Nicole Richie.”

Hey, Imus, you do know that mike’s on, right?

This article appears in February 23 • 2007.

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The Chronicle's first Culture Desk editor, Richard has reported on Austin's growing film production and appreciation scene for over a decade. A graduate of the universities of York, Stirling, and UT-Austin, a Rotten Tomatoes certified critic, and eight-time Best of Austin winner, he's currently at work on two books and a play.