 |
make in their lifetime — after a house and a car — is a funeral. Kind of
makes you want to go out and buy a bass boat, doesn’t it?
But you can’t get buried in a bass boat. And while some purchases in life are
optional, funerals are considered by many to be a necessity, at any price.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of a
casket and funeral is about $4,470, not counting the grave, vault and marker.
Add another $1,500 for those items and it’s easy to spend $6,000.
But dying doesn’t have to cost a fortune. Dying on the cheap takes a bit more
effort, but it can be done. So don’t be afraid to shop around. The Federal
Trade Commission requires funeral homes to provide costs over the phone. Most
funeral homes will also fax a price list to you.
Expenses at funeral homes are highly variable. The same casket can cost $2,000
or $300, depending on where you go. And most funeral homes have what they call
their “basic services of funeral director and staff.” Critics call this a
“cover charge.” And just like caskets, the basic service charge can vary from a
few hundred dollars to a couple of thousand dollars.
Casket wholesalers like Casket Gallery Inter-national in Dallas (214/681-2929)
or Consumer Casket USA (800/611-8778) will ship a casket to you within a few
hours, and their prices are usually lower than those charged in a funeral home.
Or better yet, build your own. Funeral homes are required by law to use caskets
provided by the customer, and for a few bucks worth of plywood, you can easily
build one that will be plenty sturdy. (One note from a funeral industry
insider: don’t buy “protective” caskets. These metal caskets have rubber
gaskets which prevent the entry of water into the casket. They also prevent air
from escaping, which some industry watchers believe disfigures the body.)
There are many things you can do without. Embalming is not required by the
state, the feds, or anybody else. Nor is a casket. You don’t have to have a
hearse. In fact, you don’t have to hire a funeral home, hearse, limo or
anything else. Anyone can conduct funeral services. But you must do some leg
work. Call the county health department (469-2031) to get a death certificate.
The county will certify the death, but the certificate must be signed by a
doctor.
Unless you have a burning desire to get buried, you could opt for cremation,
which is usually cheaper than burial. Urns to hold cremains (cremated remains)
are much cheaper than caskets. And you can get your cremains buried at the
cemetery for less than a full-size grave. Or you can scatter the ashes
yourself, which costs nothing. You can handle a direct cremation also, but you
must get a cremation permit from the county (469-2031).
If you live five miles outside the city limits, you can create your own family
cemetery. But you should check with county authorities before forging ahead.
You can escape any funeral costs by giving your body to science. The
University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston will pick up bodies for no
charge as long as they are within 300 miles of Galveston. However, they must
get the body within 24 hours of death and they do not want it embalmed. Allen
Tyler, supervisor of anatomical services at UT-Galveston, advises those who
want to donate bodies to call the school as soon as death occurs and to let
them make arrangements with a local funeral home for storage of the body until
it can be retrieved by UT personnel. Tyler also advises that the school will
not take bodies that carry infectious diseases or that are “grossly obese.” He
requests that prospective donors call the school ahead of time, if possible, to
make sure the school needs and can take the body. Call them at 409/772-1293 or
call Tyler directly at 409/772-1924 during business hours, or 409/772-1011 on
nights and weekends.
You can also join the Austin Memorial & Burial Information Society, which
provides information to people in need of funeral services. It costs $20 for a
lifetime membership. Call 480-0555. — R.B.
This article appears in March 28 • 1997 and March 28 • 1997 (Cover).