Mr. Smarty Pants Knows

On minding your Q’s and W’s, the company you keep, and the drinks you drink

Termites. A thousand million of them.

Ingrid Bergman, Planet of the Apes, Carnival Cruise Lines, and Grizzly Adams

Leather Tuscadero, Don Shula, and Alan Shepard in a wet space suit

Slurpees, Texas slaughterhouses, Tina Louise, and helicopters

Texas cities claim four of the seven top spots in per capita daily driving in the whole world

Killer whales, the Pope’s e-mail, Stephen Hawking, and thousands of popping toads

Runaways, lobbyists, philosophers, and Pablo Picasso

Mitzi Gaynor, Topo Gigio, and “farthinder”

A state treasure, gas theft, and sexual favors

The original sexbot film and the meat of white people

Saturn’s moon Titan has square craters that appear to be lined up along north-south, east-west lines