by Suzy Banks Dear Suzy,
I have a house dilemma that I hope you can help me with. I’ve always been appalled by most men’s bathtubs, wondering how and why they get so disgusting. Now my judgments have come back to haunt me: I have a scummy bathtub.
My bathroom is very humid and my tub mildews way too much and too easily. I’ve taken the old caulk off from around the tub, poured bleach on the extra mildewy areas, let it dry all out for a few days, then recaulked. That didn’t help. I finally figured out that my tub doesn’t have that slight downslope to the drain and 24 hours later when it’s time for the next shower, a little water is still standing in the tub. I even have a ceiling fan in the bathroom and that doesn’t help dry it out. I’ve thought of installing some type of vent, but that won’t really solve the draining problem. Can you help me?
— Sherry B.
Dear Sherry,
It’s a little known fact that men secrete more scum when bathing than women. I can prove it. Over the last 15 years as a landlord, I have cleaned up after many piglet renters of both genders. The hands-down winners in the Filthiest Tub Category are the all-male households. Once I had to clean a bathtub, an old clawfoot beauty which had been re-porcelained just prior to the two college boys’ tenancy, with a wood chisel and a hammer. Really. The scum came off in sheets which I mailed to the renters in lieu of refunding their cleaning deposit. One of the boys was a pre-med student. I have a recurring nightmare in which I’m undergoing surgery and look up just as I’m about to succumb to the anesthesia to see this hygienic miscreant, glowering down at me, ready to rip out my appendix… and his fingernails are caked with dirt! No, Dr. Mahaffey, No!
(In fairness to women, they are much better at leaving piles of clutter behind. Two sisters — one a topless dancer — moved out of one of my houses and I spent an entire day shoveling sequined pasties and
g-strings, contraceptive sponges, empty cans of Whipped Cream for Lovers, and drug paraphernalia into a 16-foot trailer. Boy, did I get some looks from the tree trimmers and roofers alongside me at the dump as I was unloading that crap.)
Mildew, however, plagues all genders, races, and religions without prejudice. While the standing water in the tub might be a bit of a problem, I don’t think it would account for the prolific growth of the dreaded fungus. I think there must be water sneaking behind the tiles when you take a shower. Perhaps you should consider the delightful, mind-numbing task of re-grouting the tile surrounding the tub. Go ahead and put that vent in (make it powerful) and see if it helps. Check your roof to make sure a little leak isn’t adding to the moisture problem. Try spraying the caulk with rubbing alcohol frequently. And by all means, keep the men out of the bathroom.
Don’t keep your letters out of my e-mail box, Suzebe@aol.com. Speaking of e-mail, I send in my columns to the Chronicle electronically and not all my punctuation seems to survive the translation. Last week, my friend Tr�’s name was change to Trex — because the accent didn’t translate, I assume. Now she has to change her name. Sorry, Trex.
This article appears in November 14 • 1997 and November 14 • 1997 (Cover).