Dear Suzy,
I bought a house that came with a 14,000 gallon swimming pool. I hate the
pool. It costs me more time and money than I want to invest. What can I do with
it? Who can I call in Austin who is experienced in digging up a pool or turning
it into a pond (Is that even possible, given it’s six feet deep at the deepest
point?) I want someone who knows what they’re doing. I don’t want a mud pit
after the first heavy rain.
Pool Foe
Dear Pool Foe,
In general, the pleasure of owning a pool is inversely proportional to the age
of the pool owner. You say you “hate” your pool? By plugging that data (along
with the words “dig” and “pond”) into the formula for the Poolthagorean
theorem, I can determine your age:
H x (Dp! -16) = A
Here “A” equals 42 years, indicating you are well within the acceptable
parameters of the theorem. My intolerance of pools was accelerated in my case;
I grew to hate the pool at our last house by the age of 35, a mathematical
impossibility unless you factor in my “pC!” factor, or Degree of Personal
Crankiness. When I was a kid, I adored our pool and even reveled in my job of
maintaining it, seeing it as just another excuse to expose myself to harmful UV
rays while earning a little money at the same time (to save for melanoma
surgery later in life). But our last pool was the catch basin for tons of oak
leaves, cedar needles and berries, pollen, and bloated cricket bodies. It was a
pain. So we moved. Is that an option for you?
I called around and couldn’t find anyone with pool demolishing experience.
David Cater, at The Earth Company (474-4194), however, has had practice
transforming pools into ponds. He warns that as soon as you stop adding
chemicals and turn off the pump, you’re going to witness a gargantuan algae
bloom. It will eventually go away, but its retreat can be hastened by throwing
as many plants as possible into the pond, especially oxygenating ones such as
anacharias and horn wart. Buy as many water lilies and iris as you can afford.
They are expensive, but once established they are unbelievable prolific.
Once the chemicals have dissipated, add fish to control mosquito larvae. If
you want a crystal clear pond, you must continue running your filter to
encourage aerobic bacteria. (Don’t they look cute in their little Lycra workout
suits?) Some type of continuous aeration, such as a waterfall or spray fountain
which infuses the water with oxygen is also a great help. A murky pond is a
sign of anaerobic activity, which can sometimes smell.
David’s initial consultation is free; he charges by the hour to design your
pond.
Then again, the real estate market is sure hot right now….
This article appears in August 9 • 1996 and August 9 • 1996 (Cover).