• Don’t try to get your song bumped up in rotation. This creates resentment.
  • Duets and even well-choreographed trios are OK, but don’t sing in big groups. Groups are stupid and annoying.
  • You don’t need a good voice or stage presence to get love from your audience, but a lot of the former goes a long way in making up for a lack of the latter.
  • If you can’t keep up with the song, don’t explain that to the audience. Just pretend!
  • Being drunk is nice, but there’s something special about doing it stone-cold sober.
  • You are not a prisoner to the words on the screen. Freestyle!
  • Be creative! Turn the song into something God never intended. Sing “I Think I Love You” like you’re Johnny Rotten, or Mister Mister’s “Broken Wings” like you’re an opera singer.
  • Wait your turn. Don’t rush the stage and grab the other mike for an uninvited duet.
  • Dancing in an unobtrusive manner, however, is complimentary to the performer, and encouraged.
  • Be gracious; tip your KJ. — K.M.

This article appears in January 1 • 1999 and January 1 • 1999 (Cover).

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