I’m Mad Too, Suzy

Dear Suzy,

I am renovating an old house and need to upgrade my water service. My house
has only one bath and a kitchen now, but soon will boast two kitchens, four
baths, a utility room, and a few other odds and ends. The house is also tall
and on top of a hill so my current 3/4″ water meter and main line
are just too small. I called the city to see what it would cost to upgrade to a
11/4″ to 11/2″ meter.

The guy on the phone said it would cost me $8,000 for the meter, plus the
labor to put it in and to upgrade the line from the meter to the water main
which was probably too small as well. Total estimated cost around $10,000! Of
course, he said, they would be kind enough to credit me $1,500 for my current
meter… and, no, I can’t have it done myself… and, no, I can’t buy the meter
somewhere else… and, yes, it is a ripoff but he just works there.

I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be cheaper to…

a) put a water tank behind my house fed by the current line with a pump to
provide proper pressure to my house?

b) drill my own well?

c) build a treatment plant to purify my urine to usable water?

d) hire a herd of Kathie Lee-style child laborers to haul buckets for my
bath, dishes, etc.?

e) create water by combining oxygen and hydrogen?

f) do all of the above and still have some money left over?

Thanks,

I. M. Pisthof

Dear I. M.,

There was a time when my husband Richard read aloud to me on long road trips,
romantic offerings from Sonnets From the Portuguese or Yeats… okay,
okay, so it was more along the lines of Dominique Dunne. Still, at least it was
a narrative involving a man and a woman or two. After 15 years of togetherness,
do you know what he read to me on our most recent drive to New Mexico? From
Thomas Glover’s Pocket Ref, the tables of friction loss in plastic and
steel pipe! Although I was stunned and fascinated to learn you’ll experience 80
feet of head loss per 100 feet of 3/4″ steel pipe with a flow rate
of 15 GPM, this did little to quell my concern for the turn our relationship
has taken.

On the bright side, thanks to Richard’s readings, when I called Tom Nimski,
consumer service supervisor with Water & Wastewater, I could dazzle him
with phrases like vapor pressure and horizontal pipe discharge. Could this
explain the disparate answer I got from him compared to the one you got?

Tom said a 3/4″ meter is usually more than sufficient to service
even a duplex. (An inch-and-a-half meter is usually reserved for something like
a fourplex or a large restaurant.) Your pressure problem could lie in the line
running from the meter to your house (clogs, corrosion, squirrel jams).

Considering the extensive renovation you have planned, running a new
3/4″ or even 1″ line to your house (to account for the friction loss
per feet of head, you see) would be comparatively inexpensive. Tom also
suggested you call a Water & Wastewater dispatcher who will back flush your
service and run a pressure test, all at no charge. If your pressure isn’t up to
the City’s standard, they may be able to boost your flow by tapping into
another water main.

If none of this solves the problem, while I like Solution D the best, the
storage tank may be more practical and politically correct. A 1,000-gallon
tank, a pump, and pressure bladder would only set you back about $2,000. That
leaves some spare change for the urine conversion kit or a discreet child
laborer or two.

This article appears in January 10 • 1997 and January 10 • 1997 (Cover).