What follows is the full text of the column that the Austin
American-Statesmandeclined to run in their May 7 editorial page (see
“Environs,” last item). The column is reprinted here courtesy of Molly Ivins
and Creators Syndicate.
AUSTIN – In this rapidly changing and uncertain world, is it not grand to know that we
can always count on the Texas Legislature to show us how to really screw things
up?
A dandy little property-rights bill, patterned after that charmer that the
Republicans passed in Washington, is now under consideration by Our Gang.
Unfortunately, a closer look at the same finds that it would give a property
owner the right to sue the county for compensation if zoning laws prevented him
from opening an S.O.B. (That’s gummint-speak for “sexually oriented bidness” – and you thought bureaucrats had no fun.) Yep, if the gummint tells you you
can’t open a topless bar with mud wrestling, you will have the right to sue the
gummint and get taxpayer dollars for the damage to your property.
Now, under the same law, your neighbors, whose property values will be
adversely affected by the S.O.B., would presumably also have the right to sue
the taxpayers for damage to their property. So the taxpayers are going
to get it coming and going, but the lawyers will have a wonderful time.
The property-rights bill sponsored by state Republican Representative Susan
Combs would also allow property owners to sue if regulations involving flood
plains, subdivision development, sand and gravel excavation, and rock concerts
cost them any money. Coming and going again. Guy owns land in a flood plain,
county says he can’t build there, he sues, he builds, his place gets wiped out
in the next flood, and he then applies for gummint compensation for natural
disaster. Will this be swell, or what?
Fellow Texans, do not think it can’t happen here. A legislature that would
pass a veggie libel law is quite capable of passing this.
The property-right folks are, of course, a variant of the anti-government
sentiment that takes its most extreme form in right-wing militias. Senator Max
Baucus of Montana found a list of what the militia there defines as
government’s taking away their freedom: To get married, you have to get a
marriage license; to drive, you have to get a driver’s license; you build, you
need a building permit; after you build, your building has to pass the
electrical code inspections; etc., etc. Friends, this is not government’s
taking away your freedom; this is government’s inconveniencing you. This
is not tyranny; it’s a pain in the rear.
Sheesh. Get real. I object to gummint picky-picky-picky stuff myself. We need
much more of this one-stop shopping concept that Vice President Al Gore is
pushing in his Reinventing Government programs. We need simpler rules and forms
and all that goo-goo reform stuff. But if you will notice, whenever we decide
to deregulate something, we are reminded forcibly of why it was regulated in
the first place. A lot of dead trucking companies, dead airlines, and the
savings and loan industry will be happy to testify on that very subject. If you
won’t keep reminding youselves, I’ll do it for you: The last time Republicans
promised to get the government off your
backs by deregulating something, it
cost you $500 billion.
This ridiculous “property-rights” law is just one of a package of bills all
aimed at Austin, where environmentalists managed to persuade the city council
to forbid a real-estate development by Freeport-McMoRan, Inc. Freeport-McMoRan
is now trying to get waivers from Austin’s environmental laws through the
Legislature, having had no luck at the local level. Meanwhile, Freeport-McMoRan
has the dubious distinction of having been named the Number One polluter in the
nation in 1993. The largest releases of toxic chemicals to air, water, and land
of any U.S. corporation, 194 million pounds of toxic chemicals, more than
double the amount released by the second-ranking company, according to the
Environmental Protection Agency. Aren’t we proud to have our Legislature
dancing to their tune?
Another major backer is FM Properties Inc., a huge developer long at odds with
Austin because of its water-quality and development regulations. The irony is
that studies show the reason that Austin’s economy is booming and that so many
people and companies want to move here is because of the quality of life in the
state capital.
Also on the polluter’s wish list is a bill that would lower water-quality
standards in 80% of Texas streams by allowing dramatically higher levels of
pollution. No more fishing for us. A bill that would make industry
environmental audits secret and would allow immunity from prosecution if
polluters voluntarily disclose their violations. If you tell on yourself, we
won’t even slap your hand. And much more in this vein, all of it guaranteed to
produce dirtier air and water in Texas.
Governor George W. Bush’s trademark slogan is, “What Texans can dream, Texans
can do.” On Tuesday, state Representative Steve Wolens of Dallas observed,
“What lobbyists can dream, lobbyists can do.”
This article appears in May 19 • 1995 and May 19 • 1995 (Cover).