The Flow Below
Dear Suzy,
I really enjoy reading your column every week. I’ve been meaning to write
in earlier, but with the multitude of problems that I am having with my
fixer-upper, I didn’t know where to start. So, I guess I’ll start with the
foundation. All of the screens in the skirting of my pier-and-beam house are
torn. The former owners just put boards in front of the openings to keep out
the animals. As a result of this, the underneath of my house is very damp.
Since it looks like the concrete was poured around the original screens, is
there a way I can attach screens to offer enough ventilation and keep the
critters out? – Lisa C.
Dear Lisa,
I spent an enjoyable humid afternoon crawling around under our old ( “old” as
in “former”) house with the termite inspector last summer. Out of the dozens of
memorable moments and invaluable lessons I learned under there, the “laws of
ventilation” stick most clearly in my mind. We thought we had adequate holes
punched in our skirting, but the additions and decks we had subsequently
attached had blocked the flow in certain areas. This is exactly where it stayed
damp and cockroaches covered the beams like a grotesque, throbbing fungus. I
spent an afternoon popping holes in the skirting and wiring vent screens on the
outside to hide my handy work. Half-assed? You bet, but effective
nonetheless.
I recommend an equally half-assed approach for you. Is there anything left of
the old screens, something onto which to directly wire new screens? They sell
foundation vent screens at home-improvement centers in a variety of sizes. Just
hold it up against the old screen, fish a piece of baling wire through the new
screen, around some sturdy remainder of the old screen, and back out again.
(Try to talk someone else into crouching under the house with the rat carcasses
and six-headed hydras and brown recluse spiders to assist with the wire
fishing.) Twist the wire until the new screen sits snug against the skirting.
Get creative with the ends of the wire. If you leave them sticking out a bit on
the vents on the north side of your house, you can stab rectangles of Styrofoam
onto them in the winter time so the roaches won’t freeze along with your pipes.
(Cold weather is almost impossible to imagine right now, isn’t it?)
I’m here. Where are you? Write me at the Chron, PO Box 49066,
Austin, TX 78765 or e-mail me at Suzebe@aol.com.
This article appears in August 11 • 1995 and August 11 • 1995 (Cover).