La Brea Vinyl Pit
Suz, I don’t know where else to turn. We bought this house almost
three years ago. The previous owner considered himself a jack-of all-trades. We
were able to repair his attempt at carpentry and his painting was an easy
(although expensive) error to fix but when he decided he was a tile layer he
really threw us for a loop. It wasn’t until we were moved in (naturally) that
the tile problem first presented itself. The kitchen and dining area are tiled
with 8×8 tile. As soon as we set the oak dining table on it, it began to ooze.
I have tried every cleaner (finger nail polish remover and lighter fluid to
show you my desperation) and nothing will cut the glue. I have gotten down on
all fours and literally picked it off but besides being a back-breaking chore,
the stuff oozes back up in a few days. Is there some solvent out there that
will not only clean it but also dry up the oozing access without damaging the
tile? I would rather not have to rip it all up and re-tile. – L.
Wood
Dear L. Wood,
Could your first initial possibly stand for “Lolly-gagger”? You’ve lived with
muck oozing up under your dining room table for three years? This must
make for some intriguing Thanksgiving dinners: “Hey, Grandpa, can you go get
the other pie?” “Sorry honey, I’m stuck to the floor again.” I’d say you should
do what everyone else in American does; Turn your personal flooring tragedy
into a made-for-TV-movie and make a couple of million. Then you’d have enough
money to solve this problem once and for all by blowing up the dining room and
rebuilding. But here’s the real skinny and I don’t think you’re going to like
it any better than my smart-ass solutions. Mike Hart at Fashion Floors says
they carry a solvent called Afta that usually wipes the oozing glue right up
without damaging most tiles. This is the Band-Aid. Full recovery will require
major surgery. According to Mike, Austin is chockablock with hydrostatic
pressure, which means that slabs sweat. This sweat is building up under your
new (relatively speaking) tiles and carrying both the most recent adhesive and
the black glue they probably used to put down the original tiles out through
the cracks. The reason this didn’t happen in the past is because the old-timer
tiles were more porous and could breathe. The cure? A complete transplant of
solid sheet vinyl. No cracks. No ooze. Or prepare to spend every holiday
freeing your relatives’ feet from the floor with a spatula.
Write me at the Chronicle, PO Box 49066, Austin, TX 78765 or at
Suzebe@aol.com.
This article appears in June 23 • 1995 and June 23 • 1995 (Cover).