Dear Suzy,
We have been living in a 25-year-old suburban brick house for about seven years. We have done some remodeling and generally like what we’ve done to the inside of the house. The outside, however (okay, just the front), is some really ugly multicolored brick. It’s reddish, reddish-brown, and black, and the stuff in between the bricks was sloppily done. The only roof that will go with the brick is an equally ugly reddish-brown.
I think we could paint it white but my spouse doesn’t like painted brick and is certain that we’ll be sorry if we do it. Can you bleach brick, like cabinets? What about stucco? Is it hard to do it yourself? Will it look okay or will we be sorry? Should we just move? The worst part is, there are a couple of other houses in this neighborhood that are the same house but done in rock, which looks a lot better than the brick and especially this brick, so we are constantly reminded that ours is particularly ugly.
By the way, our formula for determining whether we can do something ourselves involves estimating attorney’s fees in case of a divorce caused by the stress of a home project. Laying a wood floor, no way. Painting wood paneling, maybe once.
Victoria B.
Dear Victoria,
If you’ve put up with scab-colored brick for seven years, not to mention a spouse who shoots down your brilliant ideas, it’s time to itch something. First off, painting the brick is a fine idea. I can understand hubby’s hesitation, however; painting eventually means “repainting.” But don’t you have to repaint the other three sides of your house from time to time? A good latex slapped on the brick could last you 10 to 15 years.
The do-it-yourself stucco idea is only as good as your ability to ingest lime dust, avoid ripping a groin muscle mixing the mortar, and maintain a sense of humor even though your best efforts look a lot like an aging Sharpei. If your brick is porous enough, you can get by with a two-coat or even one-coat stucco, skipping right over having to attach that nasty wire lathe that acts as a giant human cheese grater. (You can test the porosity of the brick by squirting it with water and seeing how quickly the water is absorbed.)
But I have another solution that will be good for your health, increase the value of your home by as much as 1000% of the money you’ll spend, and create oxygen — landscaping. Plant fig ivy, a drought-tolerant and dainty climber that won’t damage mortar joints. Give evergreen cross vine the least bit of attention and it will thrive without becoming invasive. Train Texas wisteria over a trellis covering the offensive brick. Camouflage the brick with a coating of Carolina jessamine, a native evergreen covered with yellow flowers each spring. And don’t limit yourself to vines. Imagine a big stand of Lindheimer muhly, a beautiful clump grass which grows to five feet high with a mountain laurel or cherry laurel in the background for additional height. Or how about an eight-foot hedge of gray-green Cenizo?
Or you could move. Just make sure you don’t buy an apartment where Marilyn Monroe is summering above you without the benefit of any air conditioning or your troubles are just beginning.
Share your troubles with me at Suzebe@aol.com
This article appears in August 8 • 1997 and August 8 • 1997 (Cover).