Hearth & Soul

Shifty Miracles Dear Suzy,

My house is located in the part of Austin with shallow soil and a limestone
subsoil, so I understand that cracked foundations can be a problem. When we
bought the house two years ago, I didn’t notice any cracks in walls or the
ceiling. Since then, I’ve noticed a few inconspicuous cracks in the ceiling and
walls and a couple of places where a cabinet seems to have separated slightly
from the wall. There are also a few cracks in the driveway, patio, and
sidewalk. I asked my Dad about it and he says that a 36-year-old house
shouldn’t be getting any new cracks in the foundation and that the previous
owners would have had it fixed by now.

Do I have to call in professionals (I’m not sure if I can afford that)? If
I do have a cracked foundation, what do I do? Does watering plants near the
foundation cause problems?

Thanks,

Julie

Dear Suzy,

I have a problem concerning exterior drainage. Water puddles about my slab
foundation because it has nowhere else to go. I am reluctant to sheath the roof
in rain gutters (full of leaves anyway) and have envisioned a ground-based
drainage system at several hundred dollars. My father, however, insists that
Austin’s limestone bedrock can absorb all this “extra” moisture — all I need
to do is dig a ditch down to the limestone and refill with gravel. Not that I
would doubt my dad, but is this true?

Much Thanks,

Prost

Dear Julie and Prost,

While cracked slabs and poor drainage are certainly serious concerns, I’m more
intrigued with these rampant father/foundation relationships and the conundrum
they pose: Should you question your father’s advice and risk completely
destroying the patriarchal structure of our society or do you offer your father
unquestioning faith despite the fact your home — a basic unit of Western
culture — is crumbling down around you? I think Harry Belafonte answered this
question best when he sang, “House built on a weak foundation will not stand,
oh no, oh no, oh no.” Fortunately, the implicit meaning of these deceptively
simple lyrics of the song “Hosanna” is explained in the liner notes of the
Calypso album: “In this song is a note of primitive mystery… a note
which tells us that every home is in its deepest sense a miracle.” Since
miracles are few and far between, let’s save the houses and hope your dads will
understand.

Prost, the fact that you live on limestone is no reason to believe your ground
is highly absorptive. This limestone is the reason Richard and I failed our
perk-test for our septic system and is also one reason the Hill Country is the
center of the Flash Flood Universe, at least back when it used to rain here. We
can give good old pop some credit for the ditch-under-the-roof-edge idea, a
concept known in some circles as a French drain. “Drain” is the operative word
here, as in “The ditch should be a drain.” It should slope gently off into your
neighbor’s yard where he will have to then ask his father what to do
with this misdirected runoff.

Julie, ask your dad at what age a house should be showing cracks. (Ask him
about women, too, would you? I turned 38 last week and I’m aged to a fine
wrinkly brickle, which I’m trying desperately to convince myself gives me
character and the look of a healthy outdoorswoman.) Some cracking in a house’s
drywall is acceptable and to be expected considering our withering drought last
year which caused the earth in our area to shrivel to 75% of its normal size.
(I’m making that up. It did shrink but I forgot to measure it.) Watering plants
around your house shouldn’t be a problem unless you landscaped with bald
cypress trees and water hyacinth.

And I think you should be more concerned with shifts in your foundation than
cracks. When windows won’t open and doors won’t shut, when your pencil rolls
clear across the floor on its own accord, when you bounce off the walls on your
way down the hall and you’ve had less than three shots of tequila, then it’s
time to take Dad’s advice… along with any money he’ll fork over to help you
correct your little skewed miracle.