“Relax. Get real. Break the rules. Be lustworthy.” The pitch for a vacation relaxation camp landed on my desk at exactly the right moment. A work deadline loomed, and the flyer kept me further from my task. The camp claimed to be “the place for (not-so) grown-ups” and offered a weekend geared toward jump-starting one’s banal existence if for only one weekend — all for $350, meals included. Hmmm.
Pricey. New agey. I dunno.
Whoa. Horseback riding! Okay, that got my attention — so did the seminars with names like “Sensual Eating” and “Quantum Physics & the Modern Mystic.” Who could resist?
So I signed up. Still, something bothered me.
I approached the event with an open mind, honest. I couldn’t help it if visions of thirtysomething reruns with the requisite KGSRy acoustic ponytailed old people rock danced — nay, frolicked — in my head. I couldn’t shake my ominous preconceptions of nude, paunchy, balding computer programmers gleefully finding themselves or the haunting images of menopausal, primal-screaming Hillary hairdo’d harlots wailing in front of freshly fresco’d wall murals painted by a group of racially and culturally balanced ex-Benetton models (using only non-animal-tested, water soluble, soy-based inks, of course). I tried, but I couldn’t. Really.
So discovering that the 70 or so weekend wellness warriors with whom I was to share these few feel-good frisky days were pretty much like me — normal folk, some fit, some puffed with the excess of pre-middle age — came as a bit of a surprise.
The camp converged on Balcones Spring Executive Retreat (see feature above) in early May. This was the inaugural launch of these “yuppie retreats” (so dubbed by more than one playful attendee). The ambitious list of mind, body, and soul break-out sessions were trimmed back right from the start (“Sensual Eating” was one of the first to hit the cutting room floor, much to my chagrin). The taut list of sessions still covered an impressive array of disciplines — from the sublime and ethereal, like meditation, Native American practices, and Feng Shui — to the ridiculous and physical, like canoe games, mountain biking, and, err … Feng Shui. The camp’s “something for everyone” axiom didn’t seem so unrealistic, but also proved another axiom: Yuppies sure have complicated ways of making life simpler.
My favorite excursion (aside from the trail ride, see above) was the canoe games. About a dozen campers paired off into competitive teams and flailed around Lake Ted like we knew what we were doing. When the camp’s DJ and wife tipped themselves in the drink, the other “oarsmen” found renewed vigor. Afterward, folks hung out at the dock, home of a curious lake pillow (not entirely dissimilar from the ones you see under stuntmen) called “the blob.”
All in all, it was a memorable event. Next time, “Sensual Eating” had better be back on the program. –K. XM.
Camp Camelot is currently enrolling for their September 10-12 session at Balcones Springs. Camp Camelot, 5300 Concho Creek Bend, Austin, 78735, 512/899-8618. http://www.escapetocamelot.com
This article appears in May 21 • 1999 and May 21 • 1999 (Cover).