As Oklahoma, a loser to the Texas Longhorns, prepares to play Missouri, a loser to the Texas Longhorns, in the Big 12 title game on Saturday, there is only one appropriate gift for OU Coach Bob Stoops. To memorialize his name with a new word in the dictionary. My choice is the verb Stoop: to be beaten by a lesser opponent due to a bureaucratic decision.
Stoops’ Sunday press conference about the decision based on Bowl Championship Series standings to break a three-way tie between UT, OU and Texas Tech, each one-loss teams, is enough to merit putting Stoops right up there with Rick Santorum, but in a much more family-friendly way, as a name for the dictionary. Talking to reporters, Stoops went so far as to tout his team’s victory over yesterday’s champs at Nebraska as a shining example of Sooner prowess. He was also quick to talk up the 20-point 61-41 win Saturday over Oklahoma State, failing to mention that the margin was aided by a very late, score-padding touchdown which was welcomed greedily by a grinning Stoops on the sidelines. Had he told his QB not to pass the ball, but do everything possible to get that ball in the end zone? I wish someone had the guts to ask him. Either way, the game was a lot closer than Stoops would have us believe.
He also gave the Longhorns grief for the effort to repeatedly remind the nation of Texas’ 45-35 win over the Sooners, joking that OU officials had considered flying a plane over Texas’ Turkey Day stomping of Texas A&M. The problem is Longhorn officials weren’t behind the effort; it was a UT student using the power of Facebook. When I joined the Facebook group in question last week, it had 3,000 member; within a few hours it had climbed to 11,000 and shot upward to the heavens. The message spread like crazy through the Longhorn fan base. UT Coach Mack Brown didn’t start politicking until after a certain Coach Stoops got the ball rolling earlier in the week.
You can’t have it both ways, Bob. Texas’ DKR-Memorial Stadium includes a sign noting the 1970 National Championship, the one Texas didn’t earn–that particular poll didn’t include the bowl game that UT lost. Put an asterisk by it and buy in bulk if Stoops’ gang somehow makes it through two more wins (karma says the Sooners lose to Missouri). But touting a late-season surge of offense without noting an accompanying lack of defense (A&M scored 28 points against the Sooners, for instance, and you’re bragging about a game in which you gave up 41 points?) is rather lame.
You’re talking like a bureaucrat, so let’s call it be the only fitting name: Stoop-id. That along with Schtupped, Poops and Stool are among the nicknames you doubtless grew up with, the silly monikers that made you tough. Be tough again, Bob. The only fitting response to your team lucking into the championship game would be something like, “Texas beat us. There’s no denying that, and the system needs to be changed. But we’re going to have to go with the system we have in place this year. My apologies to Mack Brown, the Longhorn coaches and staff. We’ve got a pretty good football team as does Texas Tech, but so does Texas. Here’s hoping we somehow can duke it out in a national title game.”
That’s not so hard, is it? Instead of being straightforward, you tried to talk in circles to justify why you team is in the title game. Welcome to the dictionary, Bob. Oh, and, yes, I’m passing the word to all of my friends on Facebook.
This article appears in November 28 • 2008.