I hope you find this guy attractive Cowboys fans, because he's totally screwing us Sunday. Just lie still and think of Troy Aikman.

1. Should the NFL continue to consider beating the Cardinals as an actual win? Why or why not?

2. In the same light, should losing to the Indianapolis Colts next Sunday count as a loss?

3. Does the sweet musk of success make Peyton Manning more sexually attractive than poor, poor Matt Leinart? If not, why is Manning on so many more commercials? Discuss loudly at the nearest sports bar.

4. Write a short response paper detailing whether the Cardinals should be moved to the European or the Arena football league. Bonus: Whatever happened to the XFL?

5. In a fully developed essay, describe why, after the terrible seasons, countless drug charges, and those Jerry Jones Papa John’s commercials you’ve endured throughout the years, it was this moment that finally made you ashamed to be a Cowboys fan.

This article appears in November 10 • 2006.

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