Some of you may be wondering what happened to the Longhorns in the first quarter as the Baylor Bears put the hurt on the reigning national champs for a nanosecond before totally falling apart. As a guy who was formerly sort-of engaged to a Baylor co-ed, I can sum it up in one word: naughty.
Yes, the Bears were being naughty. Everyone told them they didn’t have a chance against the big, bad Mega-State-U, and they looked upon it much as they did when told that dancing is sinful, and sleeping with a preacher’s daughter is a lot more fun when it’ll send you straight to hell. (Hell, by the way, is located somewhere near Waco, I have it on good authority.) It made them want to do it even more.
“Bear” with me here. It all makes sense. The Horns know they can win a national title — heck, they did it just a few months ago in an undefeated season. Remember the shocked look on USC QB Matt Leinart’s sweet li’l mug when he realized they didn’t win a third straight title? If memory serves, he said something about them still being the best team. Right, Matt, the best team of losers.
So Baylor tossed a bomb, scored a TD, and felt oh-so naughty. Was that an end zone dance I saw? Nah, that’s naughtier than posing for Playboy, which will get you kicked out of Waco faster than a pregnant vegetarian voting a straight Democrat ticket. The following field goal was just the icing on the cake.
But then came the required penance, in this case five turnovers. Heal thyself, sinner. Throw yourself at the mercy of the better team, the team that can’t get that naughty thrill. Because when you’ve been the best, the only sin is being bad. Really bad. Let’s hope the Horns don’t get naughty up in Lincoln this weekend.
This article appears in October 13 • 2006.