Dear Jamaal Charles,
I suppose this should be where I apologize. I was wrong about you, Jamaal, or should I say Mr. Charles? You certainly earned my respect. You can run the ball up the middle. You proved it when you sliced for three touchdowns through the Nebraska defense like it was rancid cream cheese. You gained 216 yards in the fourth quarter, my friend, and 290 overall. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. You can run down the middle, and to watch it is a thing of beauty. But it helps if you’re lining up against the 115th ranked team against the run, a team that bet it all on the blitz and lost. Can you admit that?
Instead I want to point out that Colt McCoy was your backup yet again with 55 yards on 11 carries. And he got the snot knocked out of him over and over. McCoy is the Six Million Dollar Man or is it the Eveready guy? He keeps getting up and asking for more. It’s Colt who’s keeping this struggling Longhorn team afloat, Jamaal. Are you guys checking his pulse in the huddle? Because I’m not sure he’s human. Maybe he’s that liquid metal guy from Terminator 3? Defenders break holes in him, but he keeps calmly steadily returning. His top receiver, Limas Sweed, is out for the rest of his college career? No problem. McCoy’s got Nate Jones and Quan Cosby. Not superstars, but they’ll do. Can’t find anyone open? Colt tucks it in, runs and feels the pain all the way to a 28-25 squeaker win. Oh, yeah. He hands off to you, too.
You didn’t fumble on Saturday, Jamaal. We all appreciate that. I heard that Earl Campbell his own bad self has been giving you tips on clutching the pigskin tightly. But then you don’t have as big of hands as the Tyler Rose. Are they as small as Ricky Williams’ (the second best ball carrier in UT history, maybe third if Roosevelt Leaks hadn’t gotten banged up. Don’t forget Leaks rushed for 342 yards vs. SMU in 1973.) paws? Hang on to that ball, Jamaal. Hang on tightly.
Here are the cold, hard facts, Jamaal: It’s going to take more than one game to convince me that your name belongs with the three names in the last paragraph. Do it at Oklahoma State this weekend (they spanked Nebraska 45-14 a few week back) and we’ll talk about it. Hey, you topped 1,000 yards for the season. That’s not bad. But OSU can defend the run. The pass is their problem. That and Mike Gundy whose bipolar coaching style is as unpredictable as a date with Courtney Love. Run, Jamaal, run. I want to believe. Make me believe.
This article appears in Richard Suttle.