“Coach Brown, I am patching Coach Stoops through to your headset …”
“Mack, you old walrus, how’s practice treating you? I bet you’re hurting this week. I know I am. Colorado? I let my guard down, coach. We had a big ole lead, and we got cocky. You know I’m a defense guy. Always have been, ever since my days rocking it as a DB at Iowa. You better watch out for my safety D.J. Wolfe. He picked off two against the Buffs and it looked like a rout, my friend. But we’ve got a youngster at QB. You know the story. Sam Bradford is a pup and he’s been admittedly playing like a champ all season. Two interceptions. Oh, but what’d your boy Colt have against Kansas State? Four? Condolences, compadre. I hope Colt’s brain isn’t still sloshy against us. Sure wish Rhett Bomar wasn’t a greedy idiot. With him guiding our offense we’d be in the money, so to speak. I hear he’s kicking butt for Sam Houston State. Go Bearkats. But our receivers weren’t worth a damn either, and those penalties!
“Coach, I gotta tell you my boys are P.O.ed. You’ve whooped us two years in a row, and they’re hungry. Just warning you. Against the four pansies before Colorado – that includes Miami by the way. Bradford threw for five TDs against the Canes – we were averaging more than 60 points a game! And did I mention I’m a defense guy? Heck, my offensive pros keep running off on me. Mangino in Kansas, that wacky pass-happy Leach at Tech. Did you know Leach never played college ball? My own brother Mike jumped ship.
“Some folks call you stodgy, Mack. Not me. They also say you’re too conservative and my brass balls tend to psyche you out. Surely you’ve got a running game in waiting. Jamaal Charles is a speedster even if he prefers to dart away from a tackle. And K-State’s two kick returns for touchdowns? A fluke, my friend. Your defense is top-notch. Just a little trouble batting down passes. And I’m sure Colt will be in one piece Saturday. One question though: Can John Chiles pass the ball? I mean just in case Colt is woozy. I know Chiles is a running hoss, but can he loft one? Just curious.”
[Editor’s note: This is a fictional conversation, in case you were wondering.]
This article appears in September 28 • 2007.