If contemporary television is any indication, looking for love is not a battlefield; it’s ground zero. Dignity, humility, and good taste don’t have a chance in this field of fat egos, blind passion, and exhibitionism. It’s no place for tender hearts.
Current ratings busters like The Bachelorette (ABC), Joe Millionaire (Fox), and to a lesser degree, syndicated shows like Blind Date, The 5th Wheel, and Shipmates claim to have the romantic quest for “the one” at their core. However, these shows are really human livestock exchanges, where eligible singles can parade their hides in hopes of launching an entertainment career when their 15 minutes of fame end. No matter how many times Darva Conger of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire said she had no designs beyond the show, there she was posing for Playboy or breaking out her can of whupass on Celebrity Boxing. Come to think of it, she’s due for an appearance on some low-rent reality special, isn’t she?
The Bachelorette‘s Trista Rehn says she doesn’t want to be an actress. She wants to be an anchor. She was recently spotted hosting a VH1 special, so apparently she’s well on her way. Now we know that the “Joe” of Joe Millionaire made a modest living as an underwear model. We all knew he had to have something else going on, right? What construction worker worth his steel-toed boots only pulls in $19,000 a year?
If you need any more proof that my livestock-exchange analogy has merit, look at Jerri Manthey. The “devil in the blue bikini” of Survivor: The Australian Outback — and currently a housemate on the WB’s The Surreal Life — launched her “career” as a contestant on Blind Date.
But let’s pretend for a moment that the goal of The Bachelorette and Joe Millionaire really is for contestants to find love. Do viewers and participants of these shows really believe that all the preening, hot-tubbing, and deadly monotonous rose-and-necklace ceremonies are the path to finding it? If our (or the contestants) lives depended on it, would they and we be able to recognize love without the assistance of clear skin, augmented breasts, or a six-pack?
Maybe I’m getting soft in the head from watching all these reality shows, but I found myself drawn into the lives of the couples profiled in the premiere episode of yet another variation on the looking-for-love reality series, Oxygen’s eLOVE. Entering its second season, this series follows couples who meet through Internet dating services and are preparing for their first meeting. Just another excuse to smash egos and show some skin? Not quite. First off, the couples know each other. They’ve spent hours chatting online. Unlike the magazine-quality contestants on The Bachelorette or Joe Millionaire, the featured couples on eLOVE are not perfect human specimens, which will probably kill interest for the show for those who make The Bachelorette and Joe Millionaire appointment television.
My favorite of the featured couples thus far is Kirsten and Ant. She’s a chubby 19-year-old college student from Georgia. He’s a pasty, supersized 27-year-old chef from Wales. Their meeting had doom written all over it. Besides the age gap, there were cultural differences, Kirsten’s suspicious family, and accents thicker than their waistlines. Fortunately, the virtual chemistry carried over to their face-to-face interaction. Who would have guessed that two people so far-flung from each other would fit like two peanuts in a shell?
When the couple parts after three happy days, there are tears all around. Ant states that he doesn’t want to leave: Kirsten makes him happy. Nothing more, nothing less. She just makes him happy. Damn, if I didn’t get bleary eyed for those pudgy kids!
When it comes down to it, searching for love is an impossible task. It’s that unspeakable, intangible thing that’s there whether it comes in a chiseled package, a perfect figure, or — in the case of Joe Millionaire — a supposedly hefty bank account. Love, like life, is what happens when you’re doing something else.
Will Kirsten and Ant, or any of the other couples on eLOVE, meet again? I don’t know. I’m just happy to have seen real people display real vulnerability and tenderness in the name of love — or a chance at love — and come out the other side with their dignity intact.
eLOVE airs weeknights starting Jan. 27, 6:30pm, on Oxygen.
Quotable Corey
This from housemate Corey Feldman during an episode of WB’s The Surreal World: “What we are doing here is actually going to create a positive turn of events, not only for us, but also for the American people.” I can’t make this stuff up, folks. E-mail Belinda Acosta at tveye@austinchronicle.com.
This article appears in January 24 • 2003.