D: Al Adamson (1973)
with Lon Chaney, Jr.,
Forrest J. Ackerman, J. Carroll Naish, Zandor Vorkov, John Bloom
Picture, if you will, Jerry Seinfeld with a goatee, curly hair, egg-white makeup, plastic fangs, and red, red lips. Now, visualize a Frankenstein monster with a face that looks like a wad of chewed-up bubblegum (or one of those dang dried-apple dolls you see at the artsy-craftsy flea markets). Get the idea? J. Carroll Naish, in his last role, wears enormous Buddy Holly glasses, rolls around in a wheelchair, and clacks his dentures together noisily as Dr. Frankenstein, when the ridiculous Dracula (Vorkov) shows up and demands that they join forces. Together they send the monster (Bloom) out after Frankenstein’s ex-partner (Ackerman, of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine fame) to knock him off. Lon Chaney, Jr. (also his last role) plays a sort of Igor character, killing at the behest of the unholy duo when he’s not clutching a black-and-white puppy. Eventually, the puppy runs off (probably to talk to his agent about better roles), but shows back up to lick Chaney’s face in his pathos-laden death scene.
With a painfully long, off-key song and dance number, a Dracula who speaks in a monotone with a heavy reverb, an LSD segment, and Russ Tamblyn at his most drug-addled as the leader of a scooter-trash gang, this movie’s got it all and then some. Director Al Adamson was notorious for taking several years to finish a movie, which helps explain the geriatric stars, but not how shockingly bad it turned out. Still, there’s something appealing about Naish’s mumblings and Chaney’s two-legged-dog role, at least for true trash aficionados. With a climactic battle between Drac and Frank that… well, that has to be seen to be believed. Now, picture a peanut gallery full of irate little matinee-goers deceived by the promising title, throwing their popcorn and Raisinets at the screen…. — Jerry Renshaw
This article appears in September 12 • 1997 and September 12 • 1997 (Cover).