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Lucy Lawless: |
Whether or not we lived through it — and the world seems to be divided these days into Those Who Who Remember Where They Were and Those Who Were Born After — most of us know the event from the Zapruder footage, if not Oliver Stone‘s JFK or the plethora of books on the assassination.
I watched bits of coverage here and there as the days built toward Sunday’s 35th anniversary of the November 22, 1963 shooting. My watching was more curiosity than design; there’s little about Kennedy I haven’t read or don’t know. Having the current issue of Texas Monthly as a kind of updated guide helped a lot — although it is obvious President Clinton had nothing on President Kennedy in the girls-n-squirrels department — because television still seems to be as Kennedy-crazy now as it was then.
It wasn’t hard to see why. MSNBC‘s Time Again develops its format similar to A&E‘s Biography but depends more on newsclips rather than stock footage. Their strict adherence to timelines is a contrast to the hither-and-yon depictions of other profile programs, who are wont to inappropriately use film footage to illustrate real life events.
For a while I just looked at Kennedy’s face, his handsome features, the thick hair, the aura of privilege about him, and wondered what might have been. I watched him explain in even, genteel tones to Florida politicians why the Civil Rights movement was important, remembering how my own father was moved by JFK to march at Selma. For a moment, I was nine years old again in New Orleans, just in from lunch and recess, sitting in shock listening to the principal tell us our President was dead, and being dismissed from school for the day. I collected my younger brothers and we walked home silently, wondering if this was the end of the world and were the Communists going to invade America that night. When we got home — prototype latchkey children — we turned on the television and watched.
In a way, the world did end for me that day in 1963. The world of youthful innocence, of feeling safe and secure. I tried to reconcile this disturbing event in my life but it was too much for me and I was too young. Less than three months later, television would open another door for me. It would be February, and The Ed Sullivan Show was about to feature a new group from England called the Beatles. And nothing — nothing — in my life would ever be the same.
Thanksgiving must be a
dilemma for television programmers. There are no cutesy shows featuring jolly fat guys or smarmy reindeer or precocious children, just football and parades. There are few Thanksgiving-type films to be turkey-trotted out, nothing like It’s A Wonderful Lifeexcept Home for the Holidays (8pm, ABC) and that damned Waltons TV-movie. At least that’s the way it used to be.
Marathons are the norm now. In between the famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (9/26, 9am, NBC) with its 11 marching bands, over two dozen floats and balloons, and the usual guest suspects and the Dallas Cowboys vs. Minnesota Vikings at Texas Stadium (3pm, FOX), there are at least nine blocks of back-to-back episodes programmed, from the treacly to the campy.
Ooooh! An all-day Fashion Emergency(6:30am-6pm, E!TV)! I can’t live! Fat-girl model Emme is the host of this grunge-to-glam show, just in case you’ve ever wondered how all those women from Salt-n-Pepa to Paula Jones went from looking like your neighbors to telegenic talking heads. ( I mean the phrase “fat girl” kindly; I am tired of stupid phrases like “plus size” and “supersize” when they mean “fat.” Just say fat, okay?) Tune in for a hoot.
At first, the History Channel‘s Automobiles (8am-7pm, HIST) marathon seemed sort of ho-hum but the episode description looked interesting — hour-long segments on the Volkswagen Beetle, the Mustang, Corvettes, and such, plus episodes on specific years such as the ’55 Chevy. Cool Car Club, are you reading?
It’s sob-o-rama on Lifetime with a Party of Fivemarathon (8am-7pm, LIFE). “Television for women is the next best thing to having a woman,” says a philosophical Weezer, who actually watches Po5. I am inclined to agree after watching my fill of tampon, douche, pregnancy test, and diaper ads. Despite the likable actors on Po5, its sense of values are dreadfully warped, I think.
It was no surprise to hear from my friend Kate X Messer that her Thanksgiving plans include not only dinner with friends but the Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (8am-7pm, USA) marathon with Lucy Lawless hosting. Xena kicks it off and will alternate with Hercules. (Sorry, girls, her top will be strapped on, no doubt.) Me? I like Xena’s outfit.
Hey! Animal Planet has All Bird TV (8am-7pm, ANPL) all day while the Learning Channel begins eight hours of How’d They Do That? (11am-7pm, TLC) late morning, so you know we’re getting down to it. And here it is, the marathon to end all marathons — The Waltons (noon-2am TNN) on the Nashville Network. With that much hillbilly angst, you’ll be pleased to know that MTV‘s Celebrity Death Match(8pm-midnight) will then be followed by the mother of all marathons, the Beavis & Butthead Moron-a-thon (midnight-5am). And you thought I’d get through this column without mentioning cartoons!
TVEye@auschron.com
This article appears in November 27 • 1998 and November 27 • 1998 (Cover).