As of this week, Austin’s entered a period of heightened alert: beginning November 10, Austin’s candidates are allowed to declare their run for mayor, and may begin raising and spending money. To assist frazzled nerves, Newsdesk is proud to debut our Carole Keeton Strayhorn Mayoral Declaration Alert System. Utilizing the latest in threat assessment computing, the color-coded system is powered by GRANDMA (Graded Ranking and Assessment of Narcissistic, Doomed Mayoral Announcements) technology.

While each assessment is based off thousands of discrete multivariate analyses, one disturbing piece of intel is more heavily weighted: In leaving a message on another matter with a fellow Newsdesker, Strayhorn apologized for not returning calls sooner, but said she’d been “extremely” busy. And, she said, “by the end of the week you’ll know all the reasons why.”

Today’s threat level: Orange, or “High Risk of Mayoral Announcement.”

This article appears in November 7 • 2008.

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for over 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

SUPPORT US