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Last week, in a ceremony at the Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum – aka “The Mausoleum Obscured by a Big Star” – Gov. Rick Perry unveiled the newly minted Texas quarter, featuring a Daniel Miller design soon to be known as “The Outline of Texas Obscured by a Big Star.” Perry declared, “I have long considered the Lone Star of Texas a guiding light that leads people to a special land of opportunity.” In all, there were 2,500 designs submitted for the coin. Naked City has obtained a few of the rejected proposals and offers them here as a special treat for Chronicle readers.
“The Lone Gurney”
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Texas is known all over the world for its leadership in lethal injections – now you can carry in your pocket your own personal execution chamber!
“The Lone-Starred Bandit”
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The schools are getting a little threadbare, and there aren’t enough textbooks to go around, but we’re doing our best to save the gambling industry. Do your part!
“Smog Capital U.S.A.”
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Los Angeles has pretensions, but only Houston has unregulated refineries, petrochemical plants, and automotive gridlock exhaling in perfect harmony! Take a deep breath!
“Swimming in PigShit”
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The Texas panhandle is the home to millions of factory-farmed swine and billions of pounds of animal waste – No. 1 in the U.S., more than twice that of No. 2, California! It smells like money! Just don’t drink the water.
“Tits for Tots”
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When it was time to fund the public schools, the governor was ready: Let the girls down at the Bada Bing shimmy for schoolchildren! Do the Laptop Lapdance!
“Nuke the Desert”
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New York City sludge, heavy with toxic metals, was not a big hit out in West Texas – but the nuclear power industry just keeps on glowing. We’re on the Highway to Armageddon!
This article appears in June 18 • 2004.