* First, Phil Gramm was coming. Then he wasn’t. Then he would come via
satellite. Then he was late. When his grinning image finally popped up on the
big screen, I still wasn’t sure he had come; I thought he was a Muppet
stand-in… or Yoda. Cindy, with her zoo background, initially thought he was a
hamster.

* Somebody Velcro-ed Forbes’ torso to the wall. Then they inserted a closed
loop tape in his head that said “monstrous tax code, hideous tax code,
burdensome tax-code, flat tax flat tax flat tax.” He ought to buy better
handlers and better speech writers.

* If you want to be vice president, you have to emphasize your points with your
hands, most frequently in a gesture that looks like you’re shaking an imaginary
eight ball. You can vary this slightly by pointing your right index finger at
nothing in particular. -S.B.

This article appears in February 2 • 1996 and February 2 • 1996 (Cover).

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