Only two more weeks remain to submit photos for judging in The Austin Chronicle‘s “Am I McMansion or Not” contest, where one man’s castle is another man’s “I just threw up on my keyboard.” The online photo gallery lets you rate and comment on your neighbors’ abodes, and you can submit photos of your own for the judging. The person who submits the ugliest house by April 15, as measured by the votes collected by our space-age Bloat-o-Meter, will receive a 15-gallon shade tree courtesy of Treefolks. Fifteen gallons of root ball is nothing to sneeze at (unless, of course, you have allergies), and making anonymous, nasty comments is fun any day of the week, so do your part to keep Austin snarky – www.austinchronicle.com/mcmansions.
Behold! Your top 10 comments (about houses other than the one pictured above), in all their unfiltered, unadulterated glory.
10) Who honestly thinks this is ugly? I bet it’s Sal A. Mander, newest star in cartoons!
9) She’s not fat; she’s big-boned with a great personality.
8) I heard this house cost 2.5 million and five people died during its construction.
7) It’s true – they haunt the wet bar in the game room.
6) What if the occupants are nontraditional, work for the city and just got sig(nificant) other insurance and like to take their dog to lunch? Would that be OK then? Then they’d be keepin’ it weird on the inside and the outside.
5) A tornado ripped through Circle C today, ripping a home from its foundation and depositing it in Central Austin. Film at 10.
4) McCreepy. Bet they shop at Pottery Barn, Dress Barn, and Party Barn. They’re Barn folks – paint it red and you’ve got a barn.
3) At The Oaks, your loved one will be assured the best treatment for their chemical or alcohol dependency.
2) Nah – Chronicle readers NEVER judge.
1) The master bath has a spacious Jacuzzi tub, so you can be comfortable as you open a vein.
This article appears in March 31 • 2006.