by Hugh Forrest

Throughout the Simpson trial, I stubbornly clung to the belief that news could
still be divided into two basic categories – real and junk. The first category
encompassed current events and issues of national and international importance,
things like Bosnia, AIDS, health care, and tax reform. Into the second category
would then fall all the fast food items that have little nutritional value but
nonetheless hold a morbid fascination: Hugh Grant, sports, the Menendez
Brothers, the supposed Whitewater scandal – and, of course, O.J. His acquittal, however, split the nation along racial lines. The significance
of these divisions vindicated couch potatoes who’d spent the last year
following this trial. It likewise exonerated the press’ overkill of energy and
resources. Those who protested the amount of attention that heretofore
respected media outlets lavished on this event were the ones proved to be
foolish by the surprising verdict. And remember, it was The New York
Times
not The Weekly World News that benefited from O.J.’s first
interview as a free man.

But why split hairs? Examining their coverage of the trial, the stodgy East
Coast daily and the sleazy Hollywood tabloid appear remarkably similar, as do
Inside Edition and the CBS Evening News, Entertainment
Weekly
and Time. All now appear to be gunning for that same
quick-and-easy audience attracted by this low-brow drek. If you need more
proof, then try the following quiz. Just correctly answer which news
organization provided the following quotes regarding O.J. and other recent
newsmakers.

It’s not that easy!

1. “`Hallelujah! I’m home!’ With those three simple words, O.J. Simpson finally
ended his 16-month nightmare.”

A. Dave Kindred, The Sporting News

B. Peter Burt, The Star

C. Robert MacNeil, “MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour”

D. Richard Jerome, People

2. “Worried police have been tailing Fred Goldsmith – the father of murder
victim Ron Goldman – fearing he may try to kill O.J. Simpson.”

A. Bill Carter, The New York Times

B. Hugh Pearson, Wall Street Journal

C. Linda Chavez, USA Today

D. Allan Butterfield, National Enquirer

3. “I felt whiter last week [after the Simpson verdict was announced] than I
have ever felt before, and I didn’t like it.”

A. Sammy Allred, KVET-AM

B. Jonathan Alter, Newsweek

C. Rikki Lake, talk show host

D. A. M. Rosenthal, The New York Times

4. “The Simpson verdict was a sensational example of the conviction among
African-Americans that crime in general is not so much a matter of wrongdoing
as it is of prejudice.”

A. Dave McNeely, Austin American-Statesman

B. Mortimar Zuckerman, U.S. News & World Report

C. George Will, Newsweek

D. Rush Limbaugh, talk show host

5. “Despite all the official findings, polls show that two-thirds of Americans
still remain unconvinced that Vince Foster killed himself.”

A. Steve Plamann, National Enquirer

B. Eric Blumberg, KVET-AM

C. Frank Rich, The New York Times

D. Dan Rather, CBS News

6. “At this point, investigators only hope that Unabomber continues mailing
manuscripts, not munitions. After 17 years in the shadows, he’s showing signs
of the trait most serial killers develop – `the urge to purge.'”

A. Bob Guccione, Penthouse

B. Jennifer Pearson, The Star

C. Jeffrey Toobin, The New Yorker

D. Melinda Beck, Newsweek

7. “The Internet, of course, is more than a place to find pictures of people
having sex with dogs. It’s a vast marketplace of ideas – on politics, religion,
science and technology.”

A. Allan Butterfield, National Enquirer

B. Hannah Block, Time

C. Malcolm Balfour, The Star

D. Montel Williams, talk show host

8. “Colin Powell plans to win the war here at home the same way he trained
soldiers for victory in the Gulf War – with the powerful force of family
values.”

A. Thomas L. Friedman, The New York Times

B. Howard Kurtz, Washington Post

C. Larry Browne, National Examiner

D. Marc Cooper, The Nation

9. “Reportedly a devotee of topless bars and possessing a sense of humor that
runs to farts and hemorrhoids, Hugh Grant is an Oxford grad with a distinctly
raunchy underside.”

A. Jean Seligmann, Newsweek

B. Hannah Block, Time

C. Russell Baker, The New York Times

D. Jess Cagle, Entertainment Weekly

10. “For years, John F. Kennedy, Jr.’s girlfriends tended to be fresh-faced and
wholesome, `good girls’ he could bring home to Mother.”

A. Lisa Bain, Glamour

B. Martha Brant, Newsweek

C. Edward Klein, Vanity Fair

D. Tom Brokaw, NBC News

11. “In holding steadfast to his beliefs, Pope John Paul insists he must be
guided by his conscience rather than the popularity – or unpopularity – of his
views.”

A. Bill Hewitt, People

B. Cokie Roberts, ABC News

C. Joe Frick, The Sun

D. Barbara Phillips, Wall Street Journal

12. “Scientists agree that AIDS won’t be the last viral scourge, and that the
message has finally registered with the masses.”

A. Karen Schneider, People

B. Rich Lowry, National Review

C. Larry Haley, National Enquirer

D. Geoffrey Cowley, Newsweek

13. “Whenever she went out to restaurants, Selena laughed and conversed with
people around her like she was having dinner with her family. If she saw an
elderly woman dining alone, Selena often anonymously picked up the lady’s
tab.”

A. James E. Garcia, Austin American-Statesman

B. Himilce Novas, National Enquirer

C. Jennifer Pearson, The Star

D. Neal Spelce, KEYE-TV

14. “Fearing the retribution she might face if acquitted, many people here
think that Yolanda Saldivar will be much better off if convicted.”

A. Mike Emanuel, KTBC-TV

B. Oprah Winfrey, Talk Show Host

C. Joe Frick, The Sun

D. John Burnet, National Public Radio

Answers:

1-B; 2-D; 3-B; 4-B; 5-C; 6-D; 7-B; 8-C; 9-A; 10-B; 11-A; 12-D; 13-B; 14-A

Rate Yourself!

12-14 Two extra conjugal visits for you

8-12 Potential “dream team” advisor

4-8 Hoping for a win on appeal

0-4 Sequestered another nine months

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for over 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.