Reefer Madness buddy M. Chris Fabricant, the New York City lawyer who authored the fabulous civil rights primer, Busted! Drug War Survival Skills From the Buy to the Bust to Begging for Mercy – a great read and lesson on the current state of civil liberties, driven by examples culled from the files of those unfortunate enough to become statistics in the unwinnable War on Drugs – sent out an e-mail this week, with a link to a DEA press release about poor Wendy Watson, a hapless gal who got popped in Oklahoma and charged with possession and intent to distribute nearly 80 grams of methamphetamine.
Now, Watson’s plight isn’t all that unique, but, as it turns out, when the police searched the car she was driving they also found a copy of Fabricant’s book. Unfortunately, though, it appears Watson failed to read it – if she had, it is unlikely she would’ve been doin’ what she was doing. Indeed, Fabricant says Watson’s tale of woe highlights a list of drug possession no-nos.
First, lets review the official version of the Watson bust, according to the DEA’s Jan. 19 press release: Watson, 37, of Van Buren, Arkansas, was driving with a passenger (later identified by feds as an illegal alien wanted on federal charges in Arizona), east through Oklahoma. She got pulled over for tailing a car too closely; a police drug dog “alerted” at her trunk and, during a search, police found meth in her makeup kit along with other paraphernalia – including baggies, smoking pipes and a Bunsen burner. Police also found five cell phones and a copy of Busted! Watson copped to the drug possession and was slapped with six-and-a-half years in the federal pen.
In order to illuminate the lesson of poor Wendy Watson, Reefer Madness asked Fabricant for his assessment of her mistakes. This is what he had to say (you might want to take notes):
Okay. Here’s the deal. Ms. Watson just collapsed in a warm puddle of defeat – another water buffalo mauled by the cheetah. She had no drug war survival skills. What should she have done? Why is it obvious she’d not read the book before she packed for her drug trip? Let me count the ways.
Limbaugh Lesson #1 – Choose Your Dope Wisely. Mr. Limbaugh’s Choice? Pills. Lots and lots of pills. Ms. Watson’s Choice? Meth. Grade: F.
The Third Commandment (of the Busted! Ten Commandments): THOU SHALL NOT COVET MORE THAN A MISDEMEANOR BUZZ. Ms. Watson’s Buzz? Six and a half years. Grade: F
The Fourth Commandment: THOU SHALL NOT PISS AWAY THY RIGHTS. And the DEA says, “Under questioning, Watson claimed complete responsibility for the drugs.” Grade: F
The Eighth Commandment: THOU SHALL LEAVE THY DOPE AT HOME. And the DEA says, “Watson, the driver of a 2006 Dodge Stratus rental car from Phoenix,” which was pulled over in Oklahoma, “claimed to be from Van Buren, Arkansas”.
A quote from Busted!: “The toiletry bag is the first place they’re looking”. And the DEA says, “The officer found 79.84 grams of actual methamphetamine inside a female makeup kit.”
Another quote from Busted!: “Every pipe, roach clip, puddle of bong water, Philly’s Blunt, poster of Marley smoking a spliff, stanky ashtray, and copy of Busted! – that’s right, hide this book – is added to the wrong side of the bullshit scale [i.e., our bustee’s credibility].”
The DEA: “Also found were various articles of paraphernalia including small baggies, smoking pipes, and a Bunsen burner…Watson was also in possession of five cellular telephones, only four of which were active. She was also in possession of a book titled Busted, Drug War Survival Skills which offers defensive legal strategies to mitigate prosecution.”
Ouch.
And of course, The Busted! First Commandment: THOU SHALL NOT DEAL. And the DEA says: “The defendant pled guilty . . . to Possession with Intent to Distribute Methamphetamine.”
And it all added up to: “Wendy Watson, age 37, of Van Buren, Arkansas, was sentenced to 78 months imprisonment, 60 months supervised release, and ordered to pay a Special Assessment fee of $100.00.”
Can you believe they hit her with the fucking surcharge?
This article appears in February 9 • 2007.