The following draft agenda was reportedly discovered abandoned near the Austin Convention Center, under the initials “D.C.” and the note, “Double Super Secret Deep Background!!!”
9am: Call in air strike on City Hall (suspected WMD)
10am: To hell with the municipal smoking ban – incinerate some FEMA appointees
11am: Secure no-bid contract for Halliburton to rebuild City Hall
Noon: BBQ at the Iron Works – clutch heart, scream, “I’ma comin’, ‘Lizabeth!!”
1pm: Refreshing nap, hanging under Congress Avenue bridge
2pm: Call George to go over Katrina talking points; review pronunciation of “culture of entitlement”
3pm: Slash funding to National Weather Service for not staying on message
4pm: Meet with evacuees – tell them to go fuck themselves!!!
This article appears in September 16 • 2005.